((This is a journal entry from my character Jordana. She tends to write things in quite sporadically. Here she’ll be detailing things she feels passionate about, her inner emotions and mental workings, and dark secrets. Unless someone were to find this journal they would not know any of these things IC. The journal itself is a small black leather notebook with a pen stuck inside it. Her handwriting is in cursive and it looks very neat. The journal’s usually in her purse, underneath her makeup, phone, gun, and money or in her apartment, lying on her dresser. If anyone wants to RP going through her stuff and reading it, shoot me an IM. I’d be more than happy to help out. Anyways, I’ll stop rambling and let you read what you came for.))
Sunday, February 7th, 2016.
It’s been… maybe a week or two since I’ve come back. I haven’t touched the journal until now. I read through it when I first got back after I got released from the hospital. Things seemed so easy and trivial before. Everything’s serious and scary and sad now. Lina got kicked out from the apartment while I was gone, but it’s okay because I managed to score us a cabin on the edge of town.
It’s hard writing in this and not thinking about him. He didn’t even wait for me to come back. He just… left. I came back and he was gone. And all he left for me was a fucking note. For days I was so upset I could barely function. Now it’s just… I don’t know. I don’t care anymore. That’s a lie. I do care. I miss him so much. But I hate him for not waiting for me to get back. It’s like he had no faith and just thought I was gonna die. Can’t say I blame him for leaving. Just wish he would’ve told me where he was going so I could take Lina and go after him. I wish I could’ve asked him to stay. It doesn’t matter now. I have responsibilities now. He left me the Dollhouse in shambles. I’m gonna build it back up and restore it. I just don’t know why he left. Maybe this was all just getting to him and he couldn’t handle it anymore. It’s for the best. All he was doing was hurting me. It was toxic and it’s for the best that he’s out of my life. I’m sad now, but I’ll realize it later.
You know, when I first got back I thought I might be pregnant. Ryden had raped me so many times and I was sick. Thought I had morning sickness or something. But I got tested and I found out I’m not. Thank god. I would’ve had to kill the baby if I found out I was pregnant with his or Davie’s fucking child.
It was strange and scary seeing them again. It was worse when they started torturing me. I hate writing about this. The rapes. The torturing. But I have to do it. I have to find an emotional outlet or it’s gonna kill me. It felt like I was in there for a million years. I just wanted them to get it over with and kill me. That grenade was… it was like a guardian angel was watching over me or something. A miracle. I dunno how the guard had one or where the group got them from but I’m lucky they got them. I remember strangling that guard and… it felt like revenge. And he didn’t even do anything but guard me. It was Ryden and Davie who deserved it. I remember just pulling that pin and throwing it. The explosion threw everyone back. And it hurt. A lot. I was lucky I didn’t kill all the prisoners. Not all of them survived, sadly. But it was a few lives in exchange for the lives of many. The rest of us. I don’t know for sure if the explosion killed Ryden and Davie. It looked like I did, but I didn’t exactly have time to look around for their bodies. We just had to run. The explosion attracted a shit ton of biters. It’s a miracle they didn’t overrun us. I can only hope I wasn’t followed.
I have to schedule this fucking party for the Dollhouse. The grand re-opening. I’m excited of course, it’s just a lot of work. Coming up with ideas, partnering with businesses for foods and drinks. All that. Just a mess. Speaking of, I should probably go finish that shit.
Love, Jasmine Jordana Bloom