Addendum to prior entry.

I may burn this page, but I had to flesh it out…

I had to stop myself. In a private room with a newcomer. A very vulnerable newcomer. I felt the darkness rising when she suddenly clung to me. The “do it/don’t do it” conflict raged in me for a moment. But I regulated. God knows how dark my passions can get.

It’s not limited to sex. Sex is a minor distraction compared to what my darkness is really about. Killing. Not just killing, but torture, creating a crimson river. Keeping my targets alive till the last drop leaves their body. Whispering to them how they will turn. How lacking their arms, legs, teeth & tongues will force them to crawl, without the ability to ever satiate their hunger.

It’s an incredible rush. A full body and mind orgasm. No, wait, that’s too limiting. It’s indescribable.

In a sense, I am what I fear. Am I a sociopath? I don’t know. I choose my targets carefully. They are evil, dark souls themselves, with no comprehension of compassion, love, charity or decency.

In that I find hope and redemption for myself. Despite my darkness, I am still guided by a powerful sense of love, hope and compassion. I constantly guard against the danger I become. Except for those moments of… Bliss.

Yes, I am what I fear. I pray nobody reads this journal entry.