I don’t write in here often, but perhaps if I did my inner turmoil would vanish. I will certainly try, it’s not good to keep things in. And when you can’t talk much, there is a lot to keep in.

Today sucked.

Today totally sucked donkey dick.

Today I lost a friend, I think. A potential new family. Though I learned I DO have a place in my current family, even if I still don’t know where I stand.

Jade was going to bring me into the Howlers. She said they were a close knit type family and she knew I was struggling if I belonged where I was, am.  The Watchmen were bad, evil, and couldn’t be trusted. I started to believe her, she’s never lied to me before. Even though Davish is in the Watchmen, he just joined. I could have talked to him, asked him about it, what was going on. I trusted her to know what was best for me. She brought me to meet the leader, Howler. At least I thought it was her. It wasn’t, it was Amber. It’s hard to tell the two apart now, and that scares me. I let Amber get as close as the length of my bat. Jade I let in very close. Amber threatened me so I didn’t leave when talking with her new … leader. And today, when Jade said on her radio about an assassin? I hit the radio from her hands. If I wasn’t scared of Donovan and contaminating the pool, I’d have hit it in there, destroyed it. Assassin? What is she getting into?!

She told me that I am out, no second chances, for me or Davish. That’s when I made a scene, I regret, at the job. Yelled, I actually yelled, Fuck you. And ran. I did a lot of thinking. I had to talk to Donovan, ask him if I disappeared would he just let me go? Or would he look for me, as family did? He told me he’d burn down the city looking for me, that I’m family, he’d not stop looking. That cinched it. I told all, and in walks Jade, covered in blood. Fresh blood, not the zed heads. It didn’t smell like rot, but copper. She left. She left her necklace on the ground.

I lost my best friend, I think. I gained a fear of her alter-ego stronger than before. Without the family to help her with it, what happens now.

Today. Fucking. Sucked.