Forums       Journals       Current Stories       Twitter      

That smile…

Posted by

That smile of mine was fake.  Just like your compassion.  I’m pretty sure in just a few words you taught me to hate you.  But we still have to work together so I’ll just keep faking it.  I really didn’t think you could honest to god be such a bastard about things.

Ah piss, who am I kidding, that’s like looking at the color red and saying “Oh… I don’t know, maybe it’s more a shade of pink.”  I knew, that’s why I didn’t tell you about the baby. It’s fine, I don’t need you, I don’t need anyone.  I’ll make it or I wont, and when the end comes… so what?  At least I can look myself in the mirror and say that I tried for something more, that I didn’t just settle.  For “Just a stupid kid” I’ve done a lot with my life.

Besides, it doesn’t belong to anyone but me anyways.  My choice. M I N E.

If you ever read this, it’s because I’m dead, and I felt like you should know just how you made me feel, while I was feeling it.  I used to always write in an online blog when I was a kid… always made me feel better.  Hell writing just that made me feel a little better.  I still hate you for saying what you said, but if you’ve even a hint of human left in that ugly face of yours… don’t let the kid ever read this.  I know if push comes to shove, you’re going to do the right thing.  You’d better do the right thing.  I didn’t ask to get pregnant anymore than you asked to be a father.  But I did choose to give the kid a chance, and I hope you’ll do the same.