June 19th, 2017. Monday.
I made a few new friends today. I think. Met ’em both at the diner. One was named Sweetie and the other was named Addie. Addie made me some stew and then we went over to Coach’s for a drink. They have new owners, again. I got her some water and then we parted ways. I went home and dragged Onyx to Sam N’ Ella’s. Addie was gone, but someone else was there, sweeping the courtyard. Says her name’s Sweetie. She gave Onyx some stew. She seemed sweet, but a little reserved. Probably just nervous around strangers, which makes sense in this day and age. We were sitting and chatting for a while, it was nice. Probably like thirty minutes later this storm just comes out of NOWHERE and I can already see Onyx getting nervous so I’m like, alright I gotta get this bitch home before she freaks out and runs off and I have to look for her during a stormy night AGAIN. It’s just not happening again. So I said goodbye and ran home with her. She was happy to get inside, as was I. Now I’m just laying in bed writing this as she lays by my feet. We’re all dry now, comfy, cozy. It’s nice. Today was a really wonderful day. I made new friends and now I’m cuddling with this angel of a dog, not to be THAT weird dog person we all know who’s like totally obsessed with their dog, but that’s me. I have some music playing on my phone and I smoked when I get home so I may be a bit high right now. Just a bit, I promise.
I haven’t thought about Brett and Lina as much lately. I’m moving on, whether I want to or not. It’s happening subconsciously. I just don’t think about them that much anymore. It’s kinda sad. I love them and I miss them, but they’re not here anymore and I am so… Why should I deny myself the right of being happy? Guilt, maybe, but I know I have to move on. I want to heal, but I don’t want to forget them. Is there a balance? A balance between remembering my friends and being heartbroken over them, and letting go of the guilt and being happy? I hope so. Otherwise this tattoo will be a permanent reminder of how I failed them, and not a tattoo in memory of our love and friendship. I hope they’re happy, wherever they are. And alive. Safe. I hope they don’t worry about me. I hope I see them again some day, whether reunited in death or life. I miss Lina’s laugh. It was infectious. If she was there, you were in a good mood. You were happy. She just MADE you happy. Just by being there. And Brett… I miss how close we were. I miss having that trust in someone. I loved him, not just romantically. Besides Lina, he was my only true friend. Both of them. Thank you guys. I love you. I know I’ll see you again someday. I know it.
Jasmine Jordana Bloom.2