Tuesday, June 13th, 2017.

Twenty one. Well, I can legally drink now. Doesn’t matter much now I guess. I’ve been alone all day. I miss Lina and Brett, I wish I could spend this with them. I just wanna listen to music and lay in bed with them. I’ve been laying in bed with the dog and getting high instead. I still have my mom’s old photo album. The last picture in there is one I took of me and Lina and Brett in the Dollhouse. It was one of those instant cameras. I lost it a while ago. The only other ‘new’ one is from my 19th birthday, before the world went to shit. I was at Darla’s apartment in North Hollywood, looking out the window. She took so many pictures that night. She basically recorded the whole damn party. Everything was so easy back then. I mean, it seemed hard, but compared to now it was nothing. I miss it. I miss a lot. I miss sex and driving and weed and simple things like fucking grocery shopping. I keep putting up this ruse that I don’t want intimacy, but I’m not sure how much longer I can keep it up. I hate to sound like a horny teenager, but if I don’t get some pussy or some dick soon I’m gonna explode. Fuck this is in pen so I can’t erase that. Shit. Oh well. Sorry to whoever finds this and is confused and disgusted as hell. Anyways, there’s more important things I suppose. Speaking of, I gotta feed this dog before she eats me instead.

Okay, dog’s fed. I found a rabbit and cooked that shit. Sorry fluffybutt, but Onyx is a hungry girl. I swear she could eat a whole fuckin’ cow. She’s sweet though and is a good guard dog, so I’ll keep her around. I haven’t seen Gwen around here lately, I hope she’s doing well. Sweet girl. Real fragile though.

I’m so lonely. All I have is this goddamn dog. I want friends, and family, partners, intimacy, sex. All I have is this dog and killing deadheads. Fuck. I need to make friends. And find someone to fuck. I don’t want one person to be both though, that always leads to bad things. One of us will inevitably fall for each other and then die and break the other person’s heart. I don’t need that happening again. Absolutely not. I’d rather just be loveless, don’t wanna mess someone’s life up. Probably just best to fuck and leave.

Anyways I’m gonna go get high again and pass out. Bye.

Jasmine Jordana Bloom