Last night I had a conversation with Phil. Nothing out of the ordinary there, I guess. Phil has been my sounding board a few times now. He’s good about listening and only giving his opinion when he feels like he has to. Weird, how a chance meeting of someone in the hospital when we were both banged up led to such a good friendship.

Anyway, the conversation was about what I’ve been up to lately. I threw in with a few folks down the beach, and it didn’t end so well. They kept wanting to come with me everywhere, and I’m just not used to that. Still, if someone cared, who was I to turn them down? It wasn’t until the Resort was mentioned that things got bad. They started moving in there, then Mike started saying stuff like needing patrols, a command post, radios, snipers… I couldn’t take it. What was more, I got assigned a duty – making a garden. Sure, I had mentioned once I wanted to make some herbs for the girls in town, but that was it. All of a sudden I was expected to just fall in line and do as I was told. I didn’t sign up for that. If I wanted to join the military, I’d hike up the hill and throw in with Deimos. Orders came from all sides. Jim, Serena, Mike, Sugar. I didn’t know what to think, so I did the only thing I could do. I went out and did my own thing. It was only supposed to be for a few hours, but I ended up getting hurt and having to stay in the woods with my traps for a while.

Once I was back though, I went back to the resort. The SUV Mike has wasn’t working, so I was looking at it when some kid came up and admitted he messed it up on purpose. Turns out, he and his crew lived at the Resort. He hadn’t met Mike or any of the people I was with. He said we were hostile, so he did what he thought he had to. I admit, I lost my temper. You don’t mess with people’s stuff like that. By the end of it though, we managed to talk it out and even came up with a plan to set a meeting. All the misfits could come – that’s what I call them, the Misfits – and we could figure out what we were doing, or even why.

The next day, Mike showed up at the Resort. I told him what I was thinking. He had said I could come to him anytime I had a problem, so I did. I explained that I wasn’t cool with just being ordered around. That I didn’t know what our goals were, or even if I agreed with them. He didn’t have an answer for it, just got pissed and asked if I wanted to lead everyone. It got worse when Sugar showed up and dressed me down for it too. I don’t blame Sugar much, she’s gotta defend her own even if I wasn’t attacking. Besides, being pregnant and all probably made things crazy for her.

I kept asking the same questions over and over, kept saying if Mike wanted to be a leader, he had to actually lead, but all he said was that nobody goes out alone, and that he doesn’t give orders. But he did. He did right then, and he did before. Still no answer on what we were doing or why. Just dodging the questions like he didn’t know the answer to them either. I walked off. I care about those folks, but I have too much respect for myself to be talked down to for asking questions. I’m not a soldier. I can question anyone, anytime.

Last I heard, they seemed to think I quit their crew. I really was just walking away to stop a fight from breaking out where it wasn’t needed, but if that’s how they want it, I won’t argue. Not worth my time. Phil said Mike seems like the type of guy that needs to be in charge or he’ll snap. Maybe he’s right. All I know, is that there are some kids down at the beach barely hanging on, and after talking to them, they don’t seem to keen on following a self proclaimed leader who doesn’t do anything but order people around aimlessly.

I found a place to stay. There was an empty apartment at the Eights. After a few scavenging trips, I found some stuff to make it feel a little bit more like home. That’s all we can do, I guess. Dig in. Find home. Make it your own.

I’ll still go to the meeting, but the kids down at the beach are staying here with me for the moment. I’m hoping I can find some place for them where they’ll be safe. If Mike is taking over the Resort, it’s not safe there for them anymore. The Eights are cool, though. I met a lady with a baby, and the neighbors seem alright. Maybe I’ll find what I’m looking for here. If I ever figure out what it is I’m looking for.

– Kate