I can’t believe this is happening. This is my worst nightmare, my absolute worst nightmare. WHERE THE FUCK IS THERION?!

I went out scavenging for things we might need, we can’t stay at the eights in Serena and Jim’s apartment forever so I thought I would make it easier for us if I could find things for us to use. I was looking for almost anything, metals especially in order to bring back to the garage to Camile, since it is my job now, but also camping stuff or pots and pans, anything at all. I crossed the bridge out of the city, thinking my luck might be better out there. I should have been better prepared, there are so many biters passed that bridge. I was going to run from them but then I thought it best to take them down. I didn’t want them to follow me back into the city, I needed them to be away from the refuge that Therion and I have found for ourselves, as have many others.

The biters kept me away for longer than I had anticipated, there were too many, and I couldn’t take them all on at once, not with my knives that I found during my travels. That corpse I got them from was well prepared, but obviously not enough. I had to take them on only a couple at a time. That meant a lot of ducking, a lot of hiding and a lot of distracting most while luring a few.

Finally I had taken them all down. I came back to Arklay as quickly as I could, but when I reached the apartment Therion was gone. His sleeping bag was stained with patches of blood and he was gone.

My heart sunk but I didn’t panic, I figured he was just gone for a little bit, maybe to scavenge, or to work at the garage. I went to the garage first. I met my new boss, Camille. No Therion though…but I did stay and talk to her for a bit. She mentioned how he looked like a man who loved talking about cars, and it made me smile though my heart was a little worried because all he did during our travels was fill in the silence with talk about cars and shit I don’t know much about.

My heart…my soul…my entire being would shatter into pieces if something has happened to him. I should have been honest with him. I should have told him how I felt regardless of what he would say. What the fuck am I worried about his response for? Look at the world I’m living in, do I really think that letting a man know how I feel about him is going to destroy my world even more? Fuck sakes Jet, you’re an idiot. He’s kept you safe when you were alone and you just leave him behind and take forever to get back.

I came back to the apartment and waiting in the yard this time. I wanted to be able to see him coming. Serena came downstairs and I asked if she knew where he was, but she didn’t. Mary came down and asked if I was looking for him, I knew from then that Mary knew where he was, she had to be one of the last people who saw him.

She continued by telling me he’s been hurt, that he was in an incident with some walkers but that Father Frank and Sister Theresa got him to the hospital. That he had returned to the apartment looking for me from the hospital with broken ribs and cuts on his face. What the fuck??? Why didn’t I just lead those fucking walkers back to the city?? They’re more than capable of taking them down for fuck sakes! If I had done that he might not have left at all and none of this would be happening.

I decided fuck this, I’m going out there to find him. I went back up to the apartment and grabbed my back pack and those knives I found on that corpse while I was out. I wasn’t gonna come back without him but I promised Serena a quick trip. To the church to check for him or the father or the nun and if he wasn’t there I was going straight to the hospital to see if he was there. If I know Therion, he’s going back for his gear, they wouldn’t have let him take that shit into the hospital. I grabbed my shit and off I went.

I did see Father Frank on my way. I started crying when he told me that Therion was alive but that he was out there looking for me. Mary told me the same thing but I hoped she was mistaken. He got hurt because of me and he’s out there injured because of me. This is all my fault. I will never ever forgive myself if something worse happens to him. If he never comes back, then there’s really nothing left of this life for me and there will be no point in continuing to fight for survival. None of it will be worth it without him.

Father Frank said that Therion had left to go get his gun from the hospital. Of course he did for fuck sakes, I said my good byes, I thanked Father Frank and I was on my way. I headed straight for the hospital.

That creepy ass security guard, Porkins is his name, he was there. At first he wouldn’t tell me a thing, I really had to get angry before he would give me an answer and even at that all he did was point to a clipboard that showed “Therion Treves – Discharged”.

They discharged him? 3 broken ribs and a cut up face and who knows what the fuck else was wrong with him and you discharge him so quickly? I guess quacks did not get extinct with the fucking apocalypse did they?

I demanded his things. I demanded whatever it was they took from him when he came in and I knew they took some shit. They’re anything but careless when it comes to weapons around here. I wanted his shit..right the fuck now!

He ended up handing me (after toying with me a while first), Therion’s boots and some random stuff he had on him, his jewelry, a pouch, sunglasses, of course his gun…and that stupid fucking wrench.

That wrench with which he saved me and Jaise during that raid. The stupid wrench he uses all the time to take down walkers because he doesn’t have any bullets for that gun he’s in love with. The wrench that made him feel like he was back in his old life in Australia working on cars in the garage again. It was covered in tried blood and smelled like rotting meat and flesh. I could smell it without even having my face near it.

I’m back at the eights now. I’ll stay here until someone comes out with me to look for him. The more people I have looking for him the faster I will find him and the greater my chances are that someone will see him and tell him to stay put, that I’m safe and he needs to rest and stop running around looking for me. Maybe if I stop moving so much, he’ll eventually come back here to find me.

I know I keep saying to myself that if something happens to him, I will never forgive myself. I will never forgive the world that we are now living in, and I will never forgive him for being so fucking stubborn he had to come looking for me when he was so badly hurt. That’s not true, I would forgive him, but I would blame myself until my last breath, and if I find him and the worst has happened..my last breath will happen soon after.

Father Frank told me to have faith…I’m sure he meant faith in a higher power that he believes in, which I don’t have. What I do have is faith in Therion, he will find me. Until then, I will do what I can to make it easier for him to find me. I will sit here at all hours with his things, his boots…that fucking wrench and I will wait. I will wait until he comes around the corner or up the hill towards these apartments.

I will wait.