Is this what it’s like to fall hard for somebody?

Okay, so a lot has happened since I last had time to write down my thoughts. I’ve gotten a serious haircut, thanks to my new best friend Nikki, and I’ve gotten more clothes, so I’ve started dressing up a little bit and trying a few new things with my look…and the reason is Aiden.

I know, it’s cliche to end up dating one of your patients, not to mention morally WRONG in the eyes of what society USED to be, but who could blame me now? I mean…he’s different. Sure, he has his problems, and he’s a little too overprotective of me (all I did was kill a Tank zombie and he nearly had a heart attack, no big deal.) but underneath that tough guy act, he’s just a big teddy bear that wants to be loved and have someone love him in return. I haven’t known him long, but there’s already this connection that I’ve never had with anybody…! Not even my Dad, and that’s saying something! It’s gotten to the point where I have trouble sleeping when it’s not next to him, and I always feel so disappointed when I get up every morning and see nothing else in the bed but me.

I probably sound crazy, but nobody is going to read these scraps of paper anyway until I’m probably dead for one reason or another. Just going to leave something for the people that actually give a damn I exist to remember me by, I suppose. I don’t know.

Even crazier, we had our first date yesterday. Granted, it was a group date with a lot of other people, but it was still a date. I caught the most fish, but thanks to Kali, we ended up with a boatload of crab and Aiden steamed them like a pro! I’d never had crab meat that good. I didn’t even know he could cook until then! I enjoy learning something new about him everyday.

It’s embarrassing to admit, but I’ve never had a boyfriend before, or been on a date, until Aiden came around. All of this stuff is new to me, so I always feel embarrassed when stuff like this happens because I don’t want to mess this up. Whatever is going on between us, it’s a good thing, and I like it. I like the feeling of actually caring about my appearance to make somebody else smile, or to do the little things that make him laugh when he’s sad. I just hate it when I’m so clueless as to what to do, but he’s been very patient with me, which I appreciate.

His sister even approves of me already. She works around the hospital so I see her a lot, but after she put two and two together about Aiden and I, she started calling me her sister. It’s kind of embarrassing, but I like the thought. I grew up as an only child, so having someone to treat me like a sister is a whole new ball park for me.

I guess we’ll just have to see where this goes, and I’ll try my best not to scare him away.

Lately I’ve been losing hope that Dad’s gone, or at least that I’ll never see him even one last time before he does leave this world forever. If he really is gone…I’d have nothing left to live for if Aiden wasn’t around. Wow when I read that again to myself it sounds kind of selfish…but I need an anchor SOMEWHERE if I’m going to stay sane. I don’t want to burden him with my problems while he’s got so many of his own, so I’ll keep writing out my thoughts in hopes that it gives me some sort of outlet to keep me together.