I guess it’s time for me to write down what happened while I was gone before I forget it.

Therion and I left The Eights really early in the morning, the sun was barely up. We walked for several hours, at first we didn’t say much of anything, I think we were both still waking up. Before I knew it was back to old times. Him chattering away about all kinds of random shit I knew nothing about, and my listening to him say whatever he wanted and contributing next to nothing to the conversation.

For weeks we looked through every single corner of every single building we came across. We did end up finding a shit ton of smokes. Since my backpack was bigger I ended up carrying most of them. Six cartons. It would do us for a little while at least. We found random shit like a small pack of jerky, couple cans of food that we ended up eating while we were out there. Nothing of any use to anyone really, we would need a car to scavenge further, the immediate area around Arklay has been cleaned out pretty good.

We had given up and were on our way back. We were tired and we just missed our bed at The Eights. We missed feeling at least somewhat safe.

The came out of nowhere. I didn’t even hear them. A huge horde of them not that far from the city just as we were passing through a chained fence. I was already through the opening…

But Therion…he shoved me back…and…

They got him…they got him and even though I reached for him, I had him in my hand. They dragged him as far as they could be we held each other’s hands, I wasn’t letting go. I never would have let go, I was trying to get through the opening again, but then he screamed..

Oh god the scream..

Once one bit they all did, I can’t even imagine how he felt, but his blood curdling scream…

I’ll never forget it.

He stared at me and squeezed my hand. “Jet, I fucking love you” he said. I was tearing up already, this was it..I was losing him.

I shook my head at him as if that would somehow stop what was happening, “I fucking love you, do you hear me??!” he yelled. My arm was practically out of the socket trying to hold on to him, tears were running down my face all I could do was nod when he spoke to me, “Don’t leave me like this!” he yelled. More were coming and he shoved my hand away from his, “I love you, don’t leave me like this!!”

I stood up and readied my crossbow.

I aimed, “I love you”, I whispered to him over the stereo of walkers groaning and growling. He was staring right at me and then turned away, I assume so it would be easier, though nothing would have made it easier.

Lucky for both of us, I never miss.

Once he was..gone…

I got rid of the walkers. One by one, tears in my eyes I took them down. I got them away from his body.

I sat and cried knelt next to him for hours.

I slept curled up next to him.

For two days, I didn’t move. I didn’t want to leave him there.

When Delphinia went..I didn’t see any of it. This..

This shattered my heart..my life.

My only reason for fighting was laying cold on the cement.

I was a zombie at that point, of course not in the same way as the ones who took him from me.

I took his shades, his zippo. His two favorite things.

His marker is made of the branches I could find, held together by his belt.

I kissed it goodbye and made my way back to Arklay, emtpy handed and empty hearted.

I don’t remember most of the walk back here. I remember it being so damn quiet. No chattering, no rambling. The silence was deafening.

What I wouldn’t give to hear his voice again…

I didn’t think I could feel again after losing Delphinia. I knew I loved Therion but I didn’t think it was as intense as it actually was. He was more important to me than I let him know and how I wish I would have told him. I regret not telling him.

I also wish more than anything that I would have been right about not being able to feel after losing Delphie because this pain is far worse than anything I have ever felt in my life. This pain cuts the breath from my lungs, it cuts the soul from my body in the most gruesome and earth shattering way.

With wounds this deep…how do I keep going?

Without him, how do I keep going?

Without purpose….why do I keep going?

Therion, I fucking love you, don’t leave me like this.