I don’t even know where to start. I guess the beginning is a good place..

I saw the Four again in town the other week, namely that woman on the horse and some other lady who’s batshit crazier. They were badgering people for money and fear-mongering. Luckily I had my scarf round my face but I gave the rider $30 for the church. I figured if I ‘got in’ with them I could perhaps find out more…

But that ship has sailed. There was a vigil for those lost to the Infection a few days ago and I just lost my shit. I went down there, turned up a bit late and saw the Four were milling around. Great, I thought, that’s just hunky dory. Of course, what happened next I did NOT see coming. It wasn’t a vigil, it was a trap; thank god I was late so I could get away. ‘Fecteds started coming out the water and the woman on the horse was controlling them or something!? I don’t know how they do it… the rider and that same woman from town were there and the ‘Fecteds didn’t care for them, they just went on towards the crowd. I saw a Fected go past this man too who I recognise from somewhere… I think it was the guy who showed me around on my first day maybe… Is he part of the Four too? I hope not, was gonna try catch up with him sometime 🙁

So anyway, I had my rifle on me and no one was near me. I ran away from the commotion. And I just got so mad… So I took out my gun and shot the woman on the horse. She saw me do it, but I don’t know if she’d recognise me again. I was a considerable distance and there was a lot going on. But before I knew it, she’d then rode away and she threw something at me. I know because I saw her take it out her pocket when I was aiming at her and then I had a fetching cut on my forehead that bled into my fucking eye.

Not that I had long to think about that though. The rider’s companion, that other woman, suddenly came up and started helping this ‘Fected that’d come at me. I managed to bash its head in and I would’ve happily moved onto this crazy lady if my head wasn’t bleeding so much! It was making me feel ill so I had to take off at that point. Unfortunately, that other woman has probably seen my face now, although it was bloody so maybe she wouldn’t recognise me… At least none of them know my name, that’s a bonus. Unless they’ve done some detective work and matched my description, whatever… I don’t know how smart they are.

My head’s fine though. Got my cut stitched up. I was nearly mugged on the way to the hospital though but that’s the least of my problems.

Evidently I didn’t miss the horse rider when I shot her because the next day, I heard some woman cry out on the street about the “blood of the Four” being spilled. They demanded $1000 tribute or the shooter delivered to the ruins by the church by sundown, or else the town would pay in blood, “times four.”

I was at work at that point and naturally I shat my fucking pants so I ran off home, locked myself in and sat there with my rifle. I could barely sleep that night. I knew chances were, no one knew it was me and ideally, the town would be more inclined to gesture a big fat fuck-you to the Four, but then I was scared of the horse rider or her friend seeing me around… Just wasn’t safe for me to be in town.

Yesterday I was out and about. Got myself a set of crowbars now so I felt a bit braver than usual. Also I was trying to find a man called Marsh and – believe it or not – he was right there at the diner. I asked to speak to him somewhere private because I was still worried about the Four coming into town. He was reluctant at first because I was carrying a weapon, wearing a hood and my scarf around my face… so you know, not exactly Captain Approachable but thankfully he agreed.

I told him about my situation and that I wanted to join the APS. Was pretty nerve-racking because, if he wanted, he could’ve just handed me in to the Four, though I’m not sure it’d make much difference… Anyway I can’t leave this town to those nutters’ mercy, just can’t bring myself to do it. And even though I think chaos is kinda inevitable and in a way, pointless to try and stop, I can’t help but feel it’s wrong to let Arklay become a playground for the Four and their pet rotters. Just makes me sick. I care about it too much. Isn’t it weird, to have two conflicting beliefs and yet act on only one… It’s like conventional reality and ultimate reality in Buddhism… weird.

So anyway (getting side-tracked) Marsh accepted me and said I should still work the diner, which I was worried about at first. But he’ll team me up with someone and train me, so that’s cool. I went to the base (it’s opposite Eights which is handy) and then Ringo came in, another new recruit. He was in the army so he showed me a thing or two about guns and crap, which is cool. So yeah, things are looking up now. I feel more secure and less vulnerable now, but now overseeing the protection of Arklay is a duty, not just something floating around in my head anymore. That’s awesome, obviously, because it’s something I feel I should do and I want my friends to be safe… but in a way I become a much bigger target too.

Well, that’s it for now I suppose. Finding the time to sit down and write is hard but it’s good to vent. I just need more paper now…