Dear Diary or whatever ~

I decided today would be a good a day as any to find a nice quiet place to do a little weapons maintenance and clear my head some so I came out to the fair grounds on the roller coaster platform where I knew id be left alone. Its during these times of quiet reflection and idle work that I realize that I fucking hate quiet reflection and idle work. Its the adrenaline pure and simple that drives me onward other wise I probably would have put a .40 in my brain pan along time ago.

Now I’m not saying I’m suicidal. I wont purposefully take my own life (that shit is for cowards). I just crave the feeling of the danger, The excitement, that……..rush. Apparently an apocalypse isn’t a bad place to find that kind of rush either. I know this desire for that kind of rush may be considered “Unhealthy” but I would say that I’m pretty well adjusted and have the discipline to keep myself in check but the desire is always there in the wings…..just…..waiting. Thankfully the APS has kept me busy which keeps me grounded, which keeps me sane I suppose.

Now if I could just find that fucking drink that I needed yesterday.