[[All entries are assumed to be written in Russian. For the sake of this Journal the entries are translated into English so the players can follow the story as it progresses.]]

March 13…

Four mouths to feed…

First things First, I stopped by the Sour Diesel and negotiated a price for that supply of smokes for the Dollhouse. It was actually a sweet deal. Product was good, the house special at least. Probably sure to raise the addiction factor, but the other, this Kush she had. She said it would relax the customers. Notice I said Customers, but I can expect that the workers will be in a habit of trying to buy out the stock before we can actually turn a profit from the supply. Somewhere, I think I’m going to have to direct them to the Sour Diesel, if they want the smokes for their own use. Maybe I’m thinking to little of them all without meeting everyone, or maybe I just remember how I was crossed in these business dealings in the past by my own workers. I suppose I’ll play it by ear. The Supply is weekly, and with something like this, business needs to stay business. After she rolled the joints, i paid her, and went back to the Dollhouse. I swear I’m doing more paperwork than anything else in that building. Fortunately that didn’t last long.

Jade walked into the parlour sometime later. Its becoming more and more difficult to tell which one I would be getting lately. Who did she have trailing behind her, but Kitten. I recognized her voice when they started speaking. Apparently she had a lot to talk about:  about Amber, about how she hurt Danya after I gave her a fucking chance to prove she was different.. about how she found herself another love interest.. or maybe she was just horny and wanted a new fuck toy. Apparently, that side was too much of a coward to face me herself, and had Jade advocating afraid that she was giving away something that belonged to me to someone else. Did it complicate matters that she inhabited Jade’s body? Fuck yes. If she didn’t, I’d just cut the bitch loose and let the next asshead deal with her.. but this time,, the one she latched onto was not an asshead.. it was Kitten’s brother. Now there was a way to make matters more complicated. Kitten on the other hand, spent her time to serve as my entertainment during this conversation, perhaps she was the only thing keeping me calm. She was there for moral support for Jade, but that bitch was still a problem. In everything, Jade neglected to mention who Amber was.. She hadn’t told Kitten. So I did.

I explained to Kitten exactly what Amber did to us, what she tried to do to us, and what I did to her. I made sure Jade heard every word of it. I made sure that she knew just how many times Amber tried to get her killed, get the rest of us killed. I made sure she knew how the bitch sold us out, and I made sure Jade knew it. Whether she wanted to believe it or not, the one thing everyone knew about me.. I do not lie. When asked information, the answer must always be the truth. She wouldn’t know anything about that, Amber that is. Everything about the woman is a lie.. Jade has been lying to herself regarding Amber so much that she actually believes it. Until she can see through her own lie, and see the world for what it is.. and accept the truth, this will never end. Still, Jade likely expected me to change the story.. Last time I spoke it, Amber was demanding I tell her.. but refused to give her control so I could. Now.. Jade was advocating for the bitch, holding out with credulous hope that a dead woman can change, and she heard it straight from my lips. That I killed her best friend, and why I did it. I say it before, and I will say it again. Given that same choice, I will do it again.

Jade told me that even ghosts deserve to be happy. As though she weren’t part of the fucking ghost. I begin to suspect that she’s changing more than she realizes. Its concerning, that no matter what we do, no matter what measures we take, Jade will be lost to us, and we’ll be stuck with Amber. The day that becomes the case.. that bitch will die a second time. She wanted me to give her a chance to what? To be happy? She had her chance, and we know what she did with it. Needless to say, jade sunk back into the depths, and along came Amber, screaming, ranting, raging because I told Jade the truth of who and what this bitch was. She ran off, saying that she was my nightmare.. and perhaps she is. There isn’t a single night I sleep, where I am not haunted by the things I’ve done. The people I’ve killed, the things I’ve seen. Perhaps its just that.. She’s haunting me just as much as she haunts Jade.. Maybe this is Jade’s way of venting her rage to me, expressing how upset she is, how betrayed she felt. Maybe it is my fault she’s the way she is. It definitely is my fault.

Still, the rest of the night, after she left, was spent introducing Kitten to the family. While I hadn’t expected her to go any further than what we did the night before, what we agreed, this game was taking a turn for the better. She seemed to understand as I explained it what sort of world she was being invited into. The fact that she stayed in my lap was telling enough, but I knew what she wanted.. it was the same as what I wanted. We weren’t that long talking when Amber (jade) came back, this time dragging a blond male with her. He seemed to be very familiar with Kitten, but soon, he introduced himself as Cas, and he was Kitten’s brother. The man was far more pleasant than the other wannabe alpha males in this city. He had an air about him that bled confidence. He was a man with nothing to prove, completely at peace with who he was. All that I could tell by his demeanor. I’d have offered to shake his hand, if it wasn’t covered in Kitty Juice. He mentioned that he wasn’t -that- close to his sister, and said it in good humor at that. I like this guy. Even when I explained what was happening, gave him a brief tour of the parlour from my seat, as Kitten’s leggings found their way to the floor, and I found my way inside her, he just seemed cool with everything. Yep, he would fit in quite well.

Still, he wasn’t about watching his sister ride me, which was understandable, he was more interested in the Jade-Amber dilemma. We’d all said our piece to Amber, and whatever she had to say to us after that was largely irrelevant. She said something about having to speak to me tomorrow, but whatever. She always talks big but usually has nothing to say. For all her ranting and grandstanding, she thinks only in terms of control and freedom. This is why she will never be taken serious with anything she actually does. She’s trying to convince herself that she’s a badass, and is continuing to try to make me give a damn about her ego. Sometimes she’s worse than these boys that so the same. She even walks like a man, probably because she thinks it makes her look tough. Bah.. mulling too much over it. The point is she left, and I got a Kitten riding me and a Lyonesse enjoying the show. Another night were the sun beat us to sleep, but we all woke up in the parlor’s private room.  Yes, I’m writing this the next morning, but its dated for yesterday.. why? Because this happened yesterday.

Still, in all seriousness I need to find some way to deal with this thing with Jade. We’re going to lose her at this rate. Somethings are worse than death… regret being one of them. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t regret putting a bullet in her head the first time she threatened Jade. I could have prevented this long ago. I should have just told Jade everything, despite what it would do to her. Perhaps if I did, this ghost bitch wouldn’t be haunting us both. Its going to take something drastic I wager. As much as I don’t want to do it, I’ll have to. This needs to be brought to a close, for better or for worse.

This is definitely my fault.. Now I will have to do what I have to do to make this right.