March 28th 2017

It’s early in the morning as I write this.  I snuck into the living room while Jaxon is still sleeping. Another night where I fell asleep crying. We had fight tonight. Jaxon went to Sour Diesel to give Baymo her money. He mentioned that we’ve finally made enough cash to get me a gun. We had to trade mine out last year when we reached Morro Bay. Baymo handed Jax $1k in cash right then and there and told us to arm ourselves with the money. I was not happy. I do not think we should be accepting favors from strangers. Jax took the money no question and when we got home we got into an argument about it. He says it’s to keep me safe. I say it makes us indebted to Baymo. We take the money and whatever she asks we now have to do. He doesn’t agree and he left the room. I started crying cause I don’t want to fight with Jax over such stupid shit, we’re all the other has left. I just feel like shit when we fight. He heard me of course and came back and held me, telling me it’s fine…

             I don’t think I deserve him sometimes.

We did get me a gun, we talked to the S-Mart owner and Jax got it employee price. It’s a pretty big shotgun appropriately named a Shorty. Tomorrow we’ll go out to hunt and Jax can teach me a bit. Maybe I’ll feel a little safer.

((I have a backlog of journals to publish. Please refer to the top right for the actual date this was written in her journal ICly. Thanks!))