I don’t know why I’m writing this, I feel like I have so much to say and nobody to listen. Words are banging against the inside of my skull and making it ache. Kinda like pressure that has to be released…If I wasn’t so scared they’d hear me maybe id sit here talking to myself…

I don’t even remember what day it is. Its so easy to lose track when everything goes to shit. Maybe this will keep me sane.

I feel so lost. Jon…he never came…I think he’s gone…I can’t do this without him…my body is aching…Its hard to explain but it physically hurts…and I know its because hes not here. Is that what grief feels like? I never cared about anyone enough to grieve before.

I shouldn’t have left him. He told me to go, to drive and not stop…and I did. For the first time in my fucking life I did as he told me… and I left him…

Is that really the last moment I will have him? Him yelling and fighting with them and telling me to run? After all this, after everything we have been through is that really the way we end? I love him so much…and I never even told him that I do…Forgive me baby…

Rae, Kane and the kids are gone too. Rae, I have so many things left unsaid. I wish we never fought…I wish we never shouted and said things we can never take back…Forgive me Rae…

I saw people when I walked through town, I know there are others outside. Their faces look so worn and tired, faces I don’t know. Just a place full of strangers. I guess I’m another one.

I keep thinking that this is all just a bad dream. I’ll wake up soon and be laying in my bed, and that Jon will be there beside me. I wanna wake up now.

I want to go back, to try and find him but what if hes gone, what if I make it back and he’s not there? God help me…I don’t know what to do.

I found a place to sleep last night, but I was afraid to close my eyes. I know the walkers are out there. I hear them moving in the stillness just like I did back home. What if they hear me?

I need a drink! I wanna get wasted like the old days and do crazy shit and then wake up in my bed with Jon and tell him I had the worst and most fucked up dream ever.

Sleep deprivation makes me think about weird shit. Like If I die in here, and years later they find my bones…I wonder where they will put me? Maybe in a big hole with all the other bones, they find. Bones of people like me…just a massive pile of found survivors with lost souls.

The sunlight is coming through the blinds now, so I guess I made it through the night. I Just don’t know what I’m fighting to live for…I don’t understand what drives me on each day…I never knew I had that instinct in me….and yet I do fight…even though I don’t understand why. If all today brings is the same as yesterday and tomorrow brings the same as today, then what’s the point? It has to end soon? Something has to give? Maybe thats what i’m clinging to. The hope that one day it will be okay.