There are times in life when a person stands at a crossroads and knows exactly where they are and the choices laying at their feet. Those are the times we look inside ourselves and debate, seek counsel, make choices and then step on to the path that beckons us forward.   This is not one of those times…No, not at all. Now there is no time to contemplate and consider options. In these dark days of the soul, there is little time for consideration or thoughtful choice, as breath and life hang on the slenderest thread and more often than not, there is only time to react. In those few moments, One can only pray for God’s protection and then hopefully, later for His forgiveness.

I look into the eyes of the people that walk on this road with us and I see despair. I never thought of hope as a fragile thing before, but I do now. How quickly hope has slipped away and with its leaving a numbing of the heart and soul has opened a door to fear, anger and the most frighteningly cruelty.

I often lay awake at night until I hear Father Frank’s breathing fall into that deep rhythm of sleep. Then, I get up and kneel by my resting place and pray.   My prayers are in turmoil now, a jumble of words, images, pleas, tears and grief. At first I tried to bring order to them and then I gave way to the need to just be with God, knowing He would understand and hold me as He has always done, until I was spent and at peace again. Every morning I rise, greet the sun and thank Him for another day…another chance to give solace to another, or just make someone smile. It is not very much, but right now it is all I have to offer.

I know in my heart He has brought us here for a purpose…I pray that I will have the strength to fulfill whatever lies before me.

On this day of Our Lord, the nineteenth day of February, 2015,

Sister Theresa Maria Ricci of the Order of Province, Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart