I had thought i’d work hard at keeping this journal.  I have so many things that I wanted to say, so many people I’ve met since I first got to Arklay and I’ve recorded none of it.  Mostly because by the end of the day I’m just to exhausted to even think about journaling.  But I feel this need to keep a record of all this… what my life was like and all.  So I’ll take a moment and try to catch up.

Where to begin…..

I don’t sleep as well as I had hoped, even though I have my own bed… actual bed to sleep in! (Yes, just writing that still makes me smile.)  When your typical day consists of the constant threat of death, it’s impossible to just let it go over night… literally.  Nights are so bad. It is so quiet in my room.  I am just so used to the sounds of nature I guess, so it’s hard to just stop thinking, just let myself calm down enough to just drift away like I don’t have a care in the world.  I’ve not had sleep like that since before the world went nuts.  It gets so awful cold too the last few nights.  I have blankets, but I still end up laying there with my teeth chattering a lot of nights.  I envy the folks around me with someone.  Least they can curl up at night and keep warm.

Of course I am also up with thoughts of the scarier things that may be in the dark.  Maybe if the threat was only from the dead up walking around eating people, I’d be able to relax, but they don’t even scare me like they used to.  Yes, they are something you have to always think about, but they can’t reason, can’t think their way in to your life, and make you take down your barriers, learn to trust again only to stab you in the back.  I fear the living much more than the dead.

However, nothing worth doing comes without risk.  If you take risks and try to build something that seems impossible, sure you might get hurt or even die, but hiding in fear and doing nothing is a definite way to get you killed.  So, I’m being brave again.  I don’t think I’ve met anyone I completely trust, though Jet is probably the top of that very short list, but I am trying.

The day after I came to Arklay and made the decision to make the Eights my home, Jet gave me some seeds off of what she’s already been growing I suppose.  God it was a nightmare getting my little planters set up.  Just dragging all that dirt up three flights was murder, but when it was all said and done I felt proud.  It feels good to do something meaningful again.  Not just living from day to day, trying not to die.  I actually have vegetables growing and I’m feeding the people around me… myself too, and there is something very satisfying about watching someone eat food you have grown, knowing that it will help them survive that much longer.

I’m going to start hunting more I think, now that my garden doesn’t need quite as much attention.  My dad was all about bow hunting and now I am very glad that I learned as much as I did from him.  I’ll never be much at security, as I’m not exactly large enough to do much damage to a horde of biters, but I can at least put food on the table for those that are protecting us.  Gonna start looking for something to make a bow.  Just a simple one, nothing fancy.  Cross bow bolts are way too expensive and I’ve just not found much of anything to trade for the cash to buy them, but I think I could at least make something to be able to hunt rabbits with.  Maybe take up fishing, though I heard some folks got sick off of what they’d been catching around here.

If I sit too long, am still too long, I start thinking and thinking is not always a good thing.  So for now, until I figure out if the people here are what they seem, if I have actually found some manner of safety, it if is possible to trust someone again, I will just try to be productive.