We took it for granted really. The gates. For some reason everyone believed that it was going to protect us against any walker that came to it. Sure they were stupid, but when there are big gapping holes to fit through, I’m pretty sure they’re not THAT stupid. And they proved they weren’t in fact that stupid. What seems to be about a week and a half ago now, we were hearing a lot of rustling in the woods behind The Eights. It got louder and the radius got bigger but we all kind of assumed it was just animals or something looking for whatever was left as far as food. I’ve seen a couple dogs around the city, maybe it was just the dogs for all we knew.

It wasn’t dogs..

John, the new guy, ex military and quite organized, went up on the roof to check if he could see anything.

There it was, we had a handful of people in the courtyard, which was both great and horrible at the same time. More people to defend, but also more people to get hurt. I took one down immediately, shouting at Dil to get out of the way. Sy took down another, people were swinging their weapons left and right and fighting them off with everything they could.

Sy came up to me to help me up, and just as I stood up…this HUGE mother fucking walker was standing right behind her, before I could even say anything he had swatted at her and sent her flying through the air like she was a paper bag. With no effort what so ever.

I had to defend The Eights, it’s residence, it’s staff..I went at it with one of my knives since my crossbow had been knocked out of my hands by the first walker and I hadn’t had time to retrieve it.

I had no chance against this thing with a knife…he swatted at me too, and sent me flying onto the pile of scrap metal we have in the yard, opening my stitches in my arm from my incident with Jovy.

I cried out, the blood made the biggun even more excited. Before I could even move I was trying with all my might to stop it from devouring me. He was so big…

This is it..I’m dead…it’s all I could think about.

But that wasn’t it, John, he came at it and got it off of me. It all happened so fast. Next thing I know John is on the ground, impaled by a piece of metal from the scrap pile and the huge one is on top of him. Ringo pulled me away and John somehow managed to kill it.

Dil and Ringo had to roll the thing off of him, and we took him immediately to the hospital.

He stayed there for several days and he’s recovering well now.

A bit of good news I suppose. This journal can’t consist of only terrible shit, my head is filled with that already.

Therion of course was over the bridge chasing ghosts while all of this was happening. I think he’s under the impression that I no longer need him now that I’m leading The Eights, and now that I’ve proven I can protect myself.

I need him now more than I ever did. He’s brought me here, he’s pushed me and made me survive, where as if I would have been on my own after Delphie died  Delphie, then I would have been put out of my misery rather than watch as the world turned into this rotting disgusting place, and I’m not refering to the biters. I’m refering to the living.

I don’t know what the fuck is going on at The Eights, but since my head is swimming in darkness for the most part, my patience is very low.

There was a night after I had been injured, after the horde came, where Ringo apologized for not keeping watch since I was still pretty banged up and yet I was still watching the gate. He and Eva were discussing as I left to get some rest as to who would be the one to watch the gate. I come back down after 10 minutes of not being able to stop my mind from wandering long enough to pass out, I figured a nice walk would clear my head, I came down the stairs and no one is watching the gate. Now why the fuck am I spending all my time guarding when my SECURITY staff doesn’t seem to give a shit about protecting what we have?

The sisters too, I don’t know what the hell is going on there. Amy is no where to be seen and seemingly leaving a trail of fucked and chucked men behind and Eva seems to be completely desperate to turn her around.

I think it’s time Eva thought about Eva and let Amy make whatever mistakes she will enevitibly make. This is going to end horribly I can almost guarantee it and it isn’t up to Eva to prevent it.

But that’s none of my business either, I dont’ really give a shit either way. The only thing I DO give a shit about is it NOT affecting how my staff operates.

Yama, I dont’ know where he’s at, but I assume he’s dead and done for. That’s the world we live in now, you leave for too long you’re assumed dead.

Shawn too, my secon in command…where the hell is he at? He’s been gone a long ass time too, so I’m going to go ahead an assume he’s also dead.

Jovy, I haven’t seen her in a really long time either, she’s probably dead.

Gideon’s probably dead.

That little Asian girl that Lynch came in with? She’s likely dead.

What am I hanging on to hope for?

Where does it get me in this life? No where.

“Adapt and survive” was one of the first things Declan ever told me, and he was more right than he realizes I think.

I gotta keep breathing, and adapt and survive…

Keep breathing