Been a lot of changes lately…where do I start?

It’s been a while since I last wrote down anything…part of that fact was I had my arm in a sling for three weeks. AGAIN. That was absolutely delightful.

Today marked my 100th day in Arklay…well, yesterday, it’s probably past midnight now from what I can tell. Time flies by in the blink of an eye.

I was worried for a while. Last week…I did something stupid. Aiden went missing for over a week and I got pretty…well, impulsive and overreacting to the small things would be an understatement. All I’m going to say is, Valentino ended up with a crossbow bolt in his shoulder, and now half of the people in Arklay who don’t even know who I am hate me for it.

My friends understood, they stuck by me, and that’s all I care about. Even more importantly, Aiden understood. “You were practically innocent when I met you, now you’ve seen some shit” he said. “Most of the things you’ve seen and done would break a lesser person but you made it through, don’t let them get to you”.

It made me feel loads better. I settled the matter with Valentino today so things didn’t get out of hand. I just wish it hadn’t happened in the first place. Whatever that spark of violence was, I’m locking it away. I’ve been leaving my crossbow at home lately until I feel like I can control my temper enough to keep from pulling the trigger on whatever idiot decides it’s a good day to piss off the albino.

I almost lost all hope there of retaining what was me before the outbreak. I felt like a monster for doing that shit, it tore me apart, at least until Aiden gave me all the reassurance I needed. He and I kind of share that PTSD problem now, both of us carrying a guilt that might never go away, though it’s two completely different situations, and his happened before the outbreak while mine happened after.

Promises were made with Aiden, very serious promises that I intend to keep. No more running from people, especially him. I can’t run from the fear of their judgement forever, now I just need to shrug it off and face the people who judge me. I won’t run from their harsh words, I’ll take them in stride.

I’m always polite as I can be to every member of Arklay (except Valentino he can suck eggs with that runny mouth of his), but all I really need is what’s already here. I have Aiden, I have the twins and Nikki, let’s not leave out the always grinning Kali of course, gotta add Charlie in there too, and my new pets, Patriot and Shadow.

Aiden found the dog when we went for a walk a few weeks back. Adorable husky puppy, everybody in town is jealous. Raising him has kind of kept me occupied for a while. It’s nice having him around. I haven’t voiced it to Aiden yet, but it still bothers me I can’t give him the family he always wanted. Raising a puppy together, isn’t that the next best thing…? I hope it’s enough for him, at least.

Shadow I picked up off of a survivor out in the woods. He was bitten and on the verge of turning, practically begged me to mercy-kill him, so I did. I wasn’t going to leave a healthy and trained Clydesdale with already fitting tack walking around out in the woods to get eaten! I’ve put her in the stables and I take her out for long rides when I need to get anywhere and when she needs exercise. She’ll be good for getting from Point A to Point B faster.

Now I can just focus on my upcoming wedding. Hahaha, funny right? We were engaged longer than we dated, and now this Sunday I’ll be walking around as Mrs. Deshield instead of just Serina Fox. I don’t know if Dad would approve of me just jumping the gun and so readily accepting a wedding ring at my age, but…the apocalypse brings people closer than they’ve ever been. I feel like I know him better than I know myself because of that.

Look at us, really. The social norms are practically gone. They’re is no such thing as following what’s popular anymore, clinging to some fake outline of what the perfect person says or does. Sure, some of us still pretend like we’re the cool kids in a class of nerds, but most of us act more like real people instead of fitting into a mold. We don’t have the energy to waste on bullshit. There’s fewer walls to break down, less masks to rip off. If you want people to trust you when it’s the end of the world, you can’t be this pretender that nobody knows who you are. You have to strip yourself of all of those facades so the people around you know who’s got their back when shit goes down.

…Wow I just reread over that and it sounded SO deep, almost depressing. What the Hell has become of Serina Fox, the little herbalist who wasn’t interested in boys and wouldn’t hurt a fly, who’d never spew such obscene language in front of anybody but in her own company? The ever soft-spoken cheerful blondie? Wherever she went, she’s not coming back. The damage has been done, I’m a whole different person now with a few more scars. But…I think they’ll fade with time, and a little bit of help from my friends. The REAL friends. The most REAL friends I’ve ever had…