((This is a personal journal written by a Dollhouse worker who goes by the name of Jordana. Here she will be detailing things she feels passionate about, her inner emotions, and maybe even some dark secrets. Unless someone were to find this journal they would not know any of these things IC. The journal itself is a small black leather notebook with a pen stuck inside it. Her handwriting is in cursive and it looks very neat. Anything that’s been strikethroughed is meant to be view as crossed out. The writing will be scattered about all over the page. Most likely there will be several little drawings of elegant hairstyles as she works on hair at the Dollhouse. It’s usually in her backpack, underneath all the other shit in there. If anyone wants to RP going through her stuff and finding it, shoot me an IM. I’d be more than happy to help out. She’ll probably shit-talk a LOT of people in here, please don’t take offense OOC. I harbor no negative feelings toward anyone here OOCly. Anyways, I’ll stop rambling and let you read what you came for.))

October 26th, 2015

It’s the middle of the night and I’m lying in Lina’s apartment. Lina and Brett are in here with me. I had that damn dream again. I keep wanting to write down how I feel about it, but never really get the time.

Maybe I’m being punished.

They told me it was the right thing to do. They brainwashed us all. I didn’t enjoy it. I didn’t wanna do it. I DIDN’T I DIDN’T I DIDN’T I DIDN’T I DIDN’T I DIDN’T.

Okay. I need to calm down. It’s over. I’m out of there. I apologized. It wasn’t even in Arklay. It was for my own survival.

We tore down communities so we could benefit and live from them. It didn’t matter who lived in them. Old people. Kids. Pregnant women. They all died. Jesus. Selene is pregnant and everytime I look at her I feel so fucking guilty. Speaking of Selene I almost knocked her and David the fuck out today. They went off on me in front of some weird ass customer because I didn’t wanna scrub her down. Excuse my paranoid ass for not wanting to have the crazy bitch stab me if I touched her wrong or something

Well, I’m ready to knock David out most of the time, but that’s just cause he’s a misogynistic little asshole. I feel bad for Selene, but if she enjoys being degraded that’s her thing. Who am I to tell her she’s wrong?

 Me and Brett went to the ATC like right after the fight. We were gonna finish getting them to help out with our plan, but no one was there except that weird guard who tried taking my knife. I wanted to see about getting some fortifications for the Dollhouse, but yeah.

Speaking of the Dollhouse and fortifications, there was this doctor, or maybe she was a nurse, who started working for us. She seemed real smart and wanted to help out with the fortifications. Her name was Moon. Sweet little thing, so of course David goes out of his way to exploit her. I agreed with her on a lot of things, but it almost felt like she didn’t like me. That was a while ago. I wondered what happened to her.

Lina snores. Loud. She’s on the couch though. Brett’s alright. He’s next to me. I offered to share the bed. Earlier we were arguing about who was cooler, Legolas or Gandalf. They’re both cool

I wonder what happened to Mom. Brett brought up parents today and I swear to god I almost burst into tears on the spot. I hadn’t thought about her in so long. Does that make me a shitty kid? She’s probably gone now. She’s an epileptic who can’t handle stress well at all. Of course she is. I hope my dad is dead, wherever he is. Asshole.

I kinda miss Ricky. He was an ass and a creep but he made me feel safe and I liked how he held me at night. I don’t know if I necessarily would’ve married him if all this hadn’t have happened, but I really enjoyed the sense of security, even if he was a total sleaze. I remember the first day shit went down. We were hiding out at his parents house, which ironically enough, happened to be in Arklay. They broke in at about 5 and got his parents first. We hid in the bedroom. Then they broke into that and we jumped out the window. That’s when he broke his leg. My poor baby. I kept on running and he couldn’t keep up. I was so scared and I

God, I sound like some fucking emo twelve year old. Pathetic.

Lina always helps cheer me up. Maybe I should wake her up and talk with her.

Speaking of Lina, she keeps trying to set me and Brett up. I don’t really have an issue with this, but she makes it SO fucking awkward. I’ll have to talk to her about that. Hopefully it doesn’t hurt her feelings. She’s so sensitive.

I saw another weird bitch in black at the church. Looked like Buffy. Maybe an ally? Probably a coincidence. Oh well. They keep coming for us. Sometimes I still relive their attack in my dreams. Except he doesn’t die and he keeps shooting and I keep bleeding. Someone kills him eventually, but it’s always too late. Last time it was Brett and Selene.

I lied. Brett’s a loud sleeper. I’m gonna kick them both if they don’t shut up.

Goodnight. Hope my friends are alive when I wake up.

God that sounds dark. Still not used to this whole thing. 318.