**Disclaimer: Mi-Hyun’s journal is entirely from her IC perspective, where she deals with her innermost conflicts and emotions. It is where she gets them out. It can be intense and emotional, because that is how Mi-Hyun is under the surface. Keep in mind she has her own trauma and triggers from the world too. None of it is intended to be meant or taken OOC. I like to fully immerse myself into my character and her world, so this is one way to do it. I very much like realistic, deep and detailed RP and storylines. Especially with it’s own drama and multiple layers. Characters and their imperfections.

Mi-Hyun’s Journal is written in an old diary by hand. She often leaves it with her things where ever she stores them. If anyone ever wants to get a hold of it or go through her things, IM me and let me know.

Knowing someone’s innermost thoughts can be a double edged sword though, since her journal does not have the same politeness or sugar coating Mi-Hyun does! It is literally an open book to the world through her eyes. And it is sometimes funny, and sometimes cruel, but it is all Mi-Hyun. The diary also reflects her current state of mind and psychological health, which is something I am keeping track of along with her physical health. I keep track of everything on my characters. It adds a new layer for me to consider her mental health condition along with her physical health condition.**
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Oᴄᴛᴏʙᴇʀ 4ᴛʜ, Tɪᴛᴛɪᴇs.
~I spent the night exploring, scavenging.

Decided to rest in a empty building that looked pretty secure.

There is so much damage to the buildings in town, that if the deadheads come, it will be like… A zombie bukkake. Like… A furious fahrenheit of frightening fellatio.

I have been finding a lot of clothing.

I wonder if this says something about my woman’s intuition, or if people just don’t like to wear clothes.

I continued scavenging after I woke up.

I think I am going to need a bigger bag. It’s not like I have a home to put everything.

I met a man, another big fellow. He was nice too. He had some injuries I tended, and we talked.

Turns out he is putting together a construction crew to repair the damages at the hospital. I think around town too.

He has a big job ahead. He was looking for volunteers. I told him I would help pass the word along.

He lost a wife and daughter to the undead. I sympathized.

He wants to help people. He’s a good person.

He’s half Apache Indian.

One of the things I like seeing is when humans come together. Though they may be so foreign and different in origin, we are all humans now. With none of the old barriers or discriminations between us.

Well… Some of us.

Time to head back to town.

…

I stopped by the Dollhouse first, since it was on the way to AES.

When I approached I heard someone inside shouting in Spanish, and two people outside promptly preparing to leave.

So much for the great walls of social barriers coming down! That shits still as hard and erect as Berlin’s Wall cockfighing with the Great Wall of China.

Anyways, I headed in to do a house call, check on the wounded, and see if the thigh guy was in.

I did a checkup on one girl who had passed out. Seems she might have OD’d on something. I did not detect anything life threatening in her vital sighs.

Apparently she was possessed by El Diablos.

I am not trained for Exorcisms.

I also met two more people. One has like, the biggest tits I have ever seen.

I have big breasts for being a petite Asian girl, but, I mean, like…

She had big tits for like being the fifty foot woman.

Like a sea of titties.

Damn them titties.

If I wasn’t already at peace with being petite I would be jealous.

I mean like…

Moneybags.

Some thieves run out the bank with one lumpy bag tossed over their shoulder.

She’s like, got two that she needs a harness to help her carry!

Damn them titties.

The other woman had a broom. She also had a lot of useful information. I learned a lot from her.

I think I see how she got her name, because she’s been rolling around my thoughts all night.

Apparently the Dollhouse is a salon.

I miss the luxuries so much I could cry.

Again.

Being a medic, the job is dirty, and in this new world hygiene is so hard to keep up.

It’s even more important as a medic to keep yourself clean so YOU do not get patients sick or get sick from THEM.

I was really drawn to this place.

Times are so hard.

I have so little.

There is so much I need.

I’m desperate.

I’m so desperate it makes me sick. But I don’t want to appear that way.

I need to survive.

There is so much I need.

Before my medical schooling, I tried to be an actress. A model.

I learned a little about salon make up and hair styling.

Things are different in Korea.

Instead of being picked up for your talent after a company takes interest in you, you sign a contract and then a company invests in you.

Many call them slave contracts.

I almost signed one.

Then I was raped.

It wasn’t violent. I was taken advantage of. I was seduced. Tricked.

I liked him, but I said no. I didn’t want to do that. Nor did I want to… Whore.

It’s expected for girls to host and entertain selected male guests.

Luckily I realized this before I signed the contract. I was humiliated and I ran out.

I didn’t understand just what it meant until I was in one of the hidden rooms.

And before i knew it… On the bed.

I don’t hate him.

Soo-Yeon is his.

John accepted that. Accepted her as his daughter.

My parents didn’t like it.

Neither did Johns.

I would not kill an innocent baby though just because it was “inconvenient”. It wasn’t her fault. She was innocent. I was her mother. If I did not protect her who would? What the hell kind of mother would not love her own children? No matter who was the father.

She was mine. It was my duty to protect her.

Funny how the definition and admiration of duty and honor changes when it’s no longer what people want you to do.

The baby was like a stigmata.

I suppose that is why I liked working as a translator and nurse at an international hospital. With soldiers. They didn’t judge. It did not mean the same in their culture as it did mine.

They liked me.

I made a joke earlier to a man I met. I told him I was married to a Marine and he said he was sorry.

I told him it’s okay, he only beat me half as much as the other Korean’s.

My sense of humor is so Western.

The Dollhouse offered me a job.

I really, really need it. So bad it hurts.

I need to be able to buy and barter. I need to get what I need to protect myself. And protect my patients and the hospital if it is ever attacked again.

I’m hungry. I’m thirsty.

I’m not itchy. I’ve been told I’m tasty.

My son loved those games.

And now we’re living in them.

I can tell you that playing all those video games did nothing to prepare him for the real thing. Or train him to be violent.

That was all a loving father and Marine.

Maybe I should suggest instating combat medics. Those of us who work both as security for the AES and as a EMT.

I won’t get paid for another week there. And I have nothing.

I worry so much.

I don’t want to be helpless.

Defenseless.

A victim.

I won’t be raped again.

It’s something people wouldn’t understand unless they went through it.

That sickness it leaves inside you.

I was hesitant. I am loyal. I am hard working.

But I need work and a way to get things so badly.

I took the job. Offering my medical services to the Dollhouse if any girls have personal issues they want to discuss. Performing medical check ups to make sure they are clean. Offering to help defend if they are attacked again.

And my old salon skills. Maybe I can even learn a thing or two again in this new, infected world.

I would so love to have baths. For both professional and personal reasons. And I would so love to look pretty again, and even add my own make up and styling skills to the mix. I used to cosplay. Even after I had Soo-Yeon. I liked it.

The Dollhouse feels cozy. Friendly. And more than anything I want people I can trust and be close with.

Hospital work and tending the wounded here can be exhausting.

And grim.

The Dollhouse would be the perfect side job. And it works perfectly with my job as a nurse.

Puts me in a even better position to learn and keep an eye on things.

Hopefully the hospital values my medical knowledge and skills enough to not be angry with me.

Hopefully they understand my position enough to sympathize.

Health is more than just about the body.

It’s psychological too.

And my own psyche is… Struggling.

I can feel my heart beat. It’s strained. Tired.

I still look like I’m in my young twenties.

But inside… I feel my age.

I feel what this world has cost me.

And I lost my entire family.

I need a place to relax.

Forget.

Booze don’t cut it.

I’m Korean, I couldn’t afford what it would take.

I can easily handle both jobs.

I am responsible. Dependable. Reliable. When I commit it is serious.

I didn’t do it just for the pay. And I would never accept what I did not earn.

I may not be entirely honest… But I will always be fair.

Honorable.

Semper fi.

John, I miss you so much.

I have had a family all my life. My parents. Till Soo-Yeon. Then Soo-Yeon and you. Then Dae-Hyun. Then Soo-Mee and Soo-Hee.

I try so hard. So hard to be a good girl. To help and survive at the same time.

I can’t help anyone if I can’t help myself.

Seeing the violence on this island, the destruction…

Gear is my first priority. Helping myself. Protecting myself.

Then others.

I will keep scavenging in my off hours.

There were so many injured last weekend I did not even have time to scavenge since I was so busy.

This job at the Dollhouse makes me feel a little better.

A little more secure.

Physically and mentally, the burden is eased a little.

And they seem like good people.

The hospital… Well… I still barely know any of them there.

The only name I know is Doctor K.

Why does no one introduce themselves back to me?

It’s rude when I have to ask…

Impolite.

I don’t want to be impolite.

Looking through my EMT kit I see more I need. More I could use to be more effective and efficient and to better treat the wounded. I will continue to build on my medical kit too.

Being able to operate in the field and work outcall for the AES was a good idea. Especially when I meet other scavengers or find people in need of aid who are not able to get there or who do not know the way.

I help them and am happy to show them the way.

My maternal instincts are still there.

My compassion. My desire to help.

I care about people. I always have.

So many people used to like to brag about how they don’t care.

How they are machines and perfected to their jobs. And how no one else matters to them.

Yeah, so are zombies.

I once worried that my empathy for people would make it harder for me to do surgery and see grievous wounds. It didn’t. It helped me to comfort them.

The psychological damage.

I try so hard to be a good girl.

It’s getting colder out.

I’m cold.

The woman at the Dollhouse mentioned hotels.

I think I will try to find my way there.

She was nice.

Damn them titties.

…

So I ended up back at the Dollhouse.

The hunger is leaving me a little weak.

Lack of nutrition.

I met some blond girl.

She saw my ring.

Grabbed my hand.

I had to restrain myself from breaking her arm.

When she commented on it, breaking her nose.

I have not had such hostile feelings towards someone in so long.

I suppose I am extremely sensitive about John. And my kids.

She showed me a room. One with a cage and bloody chairs.

She’s crazy. Psychopathic. Delusions.

Christians. What is this another crusade?

We went back to the lobby.

She warned me about the raider Preachers.

I issued a challenge to the raider Preachers.

I wonder if she actually speaks to them. If they will actually accept my challenge.

My belly is growing a lot more. The lack of food is starting to tire me.

I am far from my best.

But I fight as hard as ever.

She’s almost the same age as Soo-Yeon.

I wonder if I can help her. Save her.

I was a good mother.

I AM a good mother.

I will find my babies, no matter what.

And I will find John.

They’re still alive.

I know it.

I just need to be patient.

Have faith.

Semper fi.

I refuse to lose my children.

I’ll go find this hotel. I was told it’s by the shore. I can find a vigil there.

If only I had binoculars. Or a scope.

Damn them titties.
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