It has taken me forever to write this.

Moments of energy are so fleeting the past several days. One minute I feel rather good .. not counting the pain of course, but strong enough. The next I’m weak as a baby and drifting off in a nap like some senile old fool.

I’ve been snatching what moments I can to write, mostly plans, ideas .. but some to write in here.

This …. period of time is driving me mad. I’m impotent, useless .. at least that’s what I feel like just now. Just yesterday I walked down the stairs and around a room and was nearly done in by the pain of it. I’ve gotten good at hiding it .. sometimes .. but I think Kali worries.

Kali makes it better, being around all the time and making sure I eat and rest and thinking up small things to cheer me up … like having Charlie finish my office yesterday. That still makes me smile a little. Sometimes I think if she wasn’t here I’d likely be dead by now. Heck I forget to eat even when my stomach is trying to claw out of me from hunger. Kali makes it better.

I need to rest some more … rest … feels like all I fucking do these days, when the town needs its head of security, its head of security is sleeping on a mattress with a hole in his lung, his chest held closed by a bandage … Ash said I’d pretty much suffocate if that was removed too soon. Sucking chest wound or whatever … well fuck.

I feel tied down … not for much longer, I’ll make sure of that … but for now … I’m fucking tied down by my own body.