((This is a journal entry from my character Jordana. She tends to write things in quite sporadically. Here she’ll be detailing things she feels passionate about, her inner emotions and mental workings, and dark secrets. Unless someone were to find this journal they would not know any of these things IC. The journal itself is a small black leather notebook with a pen stuck inside it. Her handwriting is in cursive and it looks very neat. The journal’s usually in her purse, underneath her makeup, phone, gun, and money or in her apartment, lying on her dresser. If anyone wants to RP going through her stuff and reading it, shoot me an IM. I’d be more than happy to help out. Anyways, I’ll stop rambling and let you read what you came for.))

January 10th, 2016.

I don’t normally write in this thing daily, but I am. I have to. There’s too much on my mind and I can’t sleep right now and I’m COLD. I’m freezing. I snuck out of the apartment. Headed to the forest to see Ricky. I haven’t visited him in so long. I feel bad. I’m a bad ex-girlfriend. But he’s a worse dead ex-boyfriend. When I saw the spot I started crying almost immediately. I don’t know why. It’s not like I’m not the one that caused it. Broke his ankle and ran. Left him for the zombies. Stole his car and drove straight back to Los Angeles.

I almost regret it.

But they were too fast for us. The zombies, I mean. One of us had to go, and it wasn’t going to be me. I am sorry. I have repented for my sins and prayed to a god that I don’t even believe in to forgive me.

I left Lina in the apartment. She will be fine. She will be scared when she wakes up and sees that I am not there, but she will be fine.

It is just for a few hours. I will return.

I think I am going to go to the mainland for the first time in many months. Visit people. I know where they are supposed to be staying. I will see them, trade, and get updates on their lives. We can gossip like little old ladies and pretend for a little bit that everything is normal. That the world hasn’t ended. That our trip to Cuba is still happening, and Ricky’s going to buy me a big mansion down in Cuba and we’re gonna have tons of babies and live happily ever after.

That’s not what happened.

I still regret not ever visiting Cuba. Not seeing my abeula. Perhaps Cuba is safer since it’s a larger island with not much access to it. I hope so. I hope they are safe and alive.

I am going to go to the mainland now. I will write more in this later.

I saw my friends. I cried. A lot. I missed them. It has been so long. I cried the moment I stepped foot on the mainland. It’s so strange, being off the island. I was just very emotional and it made me cry. I don’t know. Weird. Me and Ella sang together again, which was the first time in a very long time. Her baby boy is getting so big. Leon was out trading when I first got there, but he got back when we were having lunch. It was strange seeing him. He’s always been like a big brother to me.

I’m going to go do some trading in the bigger communities now. Gonna head down to San Diego in Ella’s truck. Will write more soon.

We arrived in San Diego. It’s… strange being back here. Jesus, I’ve cried so much today over the dumbest shit. I saw my apartment building and cried. I ran back in there so fast. I broke into my apartment. Scared a bunch of little kids playing in there. Apparently it’s been converted into a school. They let me look around and take some of my stuff that I found. I was surprised it was still there. I took a picture of me and Ricky. When I saw it my heart broke. I’m glad I have it though. Really. I truly am. We’re waiting out in Ella’s truck now. It’s nighttime. We’ll be heading back to her house soon, up in Northern California. The drive to San Diego took longer than I thought. Probably won’t be back in Arklay till the eleventh. I hope Lina isn’t too worried.

We’re back at Ella’s house now. We encountered some raiders on the way back. I had to kill another human being for the first time in a long time. It was emotional. Me, her, and Leon are fine though. We killed them quickly and drove off. When we got back to her house me and her just cried. We never thought we’d have to do it again. Be… murderers. The people we killed probably had families. Friends. Boyfriends, girlfriends. But we did it to save ourselves. They were going to kill us and take our supplies. We are all safe and alive and that is what truly matters. Ella’s grandmother helped us calm down. Surprised a woman her age is still alive, but it’s refreshing to see someone so old, as strange as it may sound. We are going to have dinner and then I am going to spend the night here. It’s nice seeing Ella and her family again. I missed them.

It’s about 1am right now. I can’t really sleep. Writing again. I think I’ve released something. I’ve got a lot of people in my life who I love very very much. I would do anything for them. Brett. Lina. Ella. Leon. I love them. All of them. Lina’s like family to me. She IS family. So’s Ella and Leon. Brett… things are difficult. And complicated. I love him like a friend, but… I still want more from him. And it hurts, because we both know that’s something he thinks he can’t give me. Maybe I do love him as more than a friend. I don’t know. He’s sweet, and I appreciate everything he’s done and continues to do for me. I mean, the guy saved my life. He kinda earned my love right there. That day was crazy. I don’t remember much, but I remember him carrying me to the hospital and everything afterwards. I would be dead if it weren’t for him. When the raiders threw the grenade in the hospital, he’s the one who made sure my ass got out of bed and was running. I owe him a lot. I owe Lina a lot too. Without her I probably would’ve just shot myself by now. She’s gotten me through more than I care to recall. I absolutely love them all with all my heart. If they ever do find my journal (you nosey assholes), I want you to know that I love you very much. I’m grateful for everything you do and you have an extremely special place in my heart. I love you so so much. Thank you. Truly. I can’t say it enough. Alright, I’m finished. I’m going to go to bed now. I will see Lina tomorrow and she can bitch at me for not telling her anything. Oh, and Lina, if you’re reading this: I’m sorry. Just had to get out for a bit. Love you.

Love, Jasmine.