June sometime 2016,

I would have thought that sleepless nights would be out the wayside by now. I just couldn’t sleep tonight. Too much is going on. The sound of Billias’ pain filled moans started it. He’s barely been able to keep anything down. I’ve started locking the doors to the balcony and the stairs so that.. So that if..  Just in case.

I think I should give up. Everything. Why keep going? If Billias.. If he.. goes, where does that leave me? I already know my Family is dead. Even my brother is probably wandering around out there waiting for a bullet to end his suffering. Abe too. They have been gone too long for there to be a happy reunion. The money I have saved up for a reward will probably remain in that stash long after I myself have taken the same walk.. Damnit.. Heather get your head together.

Alright. Sleep is important. I almost got wrecked by a biter coming into the shop today. No one wants to close the damn door when they are done here. Nearly cost me my life.. I just.. I should.. I should have stayed on the couch back at my place. Let whomever deal with whatever when they themselves came in… Course then I would feel horrible if something happened to them. Not like they would feel the same way if it were ‘Boss Lady’ that ended up ass up in the ditch somewhere. Probably take my place in a heart beat.  Of course if they leave the door open I could always come back for my revenge…

Shit, so much to do. I want to build a furnace hot enough to melt scrap metal.. maybe even start to smelt so that we can make weapons. Course I am no weapon smith. How the hell would I know, let alone be able, to work an anvil or fold the metal so that it didn’t break on impact? A project.. Maybe I will get lucky and one of these large men that keep showing up will offer to do it for us? I don’t know. Weapons would be nice. Good ones. A wooden bat only lasts so long. I found that out shortly after I got here. A Machete can only be sharpened so many times before it is just a thin metal stick waiting to snap in half.

I have worked on this hand cranked radio for Amy since May brought it in. I have no idea what I am doing. Everything I have done so far has yielded no results. I wish someone else would take over the project and do it right. Usually I can figure out things as I go.. though that usually is after I have taken them apart in the first place to see how they worked. I might have to add it to the list of things I need to find. I have no choice. I have to take Darla up on her offer to go to the mainland for supplies.

I can only hope the raiders have given up on ‘punishing’ us for what we did to them. Fucking deserved every bit of it, but still. I had never killed someone before that first trip. Not a living person anyway. I’ve killed seven people now with DeeOhGee’s help. No wonder I can’t sleep at night. I close my eyes and I see that fucked up scrawny man’s face and the knife he held to my eye. I wake up flailing because I can feel his hooked hand digging into my body and being yanked hard enough to tear the flesh under it. I wish I had killed him.. That is horrible to say but I hope he’s fucking dead. I just can’t. I don’t want to think about the Mainland. It gets that panic attack feeling coming back every time.

I can’t let Darla go alone either. So I will go with her. With or without Billias, it needs to be done. We need these things to help Arklay. We need the Bio Fuel  supplies. We need the books. Fuel is running low in the tank and the ATC and CCG have not been around to help us get fuel back in there. If we move to Bio Fuel we can convert the generators one at a time till they are self efficient. Just like Arklay will become. Self reliant instead of risking lives to raiders and other things on the mainland to get little to few supplies.. that only tides us over for a temporary amount of time.

((Log abruptly stops.))