24 NOV 2016

(( OOC Note: BGM ))

It’s been almost a year since I last made an entry in this thing. I completely forgot it existed, living down at the bottom of my seabag after I moved out of Arklay last year. This is actually the classic tale of When Jason Tries to Keep a Diary™ , but I digress. I haven’t done much talking over the last year, let alone a lot of pouring my heart out. We’ll see how this goes.

Wandering the mainland alone sucks. Like yeah aww emo kid, “if I must be lonely I’d rather be alone” but holy shit. It fucks with your mind. I have trouble talking to people now – I never had that problem before in my life. I’m not yet convinced I’ll stay in Arklay for long, but I know I’ll sure as hell be finding SOMEPLACE and just hunkering down.

Getting shot sucks. Ate a bullet in my left arm, pretty sure it was a ricochet. Ran afoul of some Wasters who weren’t down to chat or trade. Managed to kill all three, not surprising as they were all armed with handguns, but as a result I’m down to my last magazine for the M4. This is why I ended up coming back to Arklay. After I tore open a packet of old-school Quickclot and fucked my shit up, I realized I was out of basic medical supply. Arklay’s the only place I know where that stuff can be dependably sourced. So, yeah.

I think one of the reasons I could never convince myself to stay in Arklay was, in short, never having a reason to. I never left the diner. I never talked to anyone but Suz. I never made any kind of connections, never availed myself and never put myself in situations where I absolutely, positively needed someone else. Not because I’m so strong and independent I don’t need help. But because I somehow just can’t bring myself to seem weak. I always assume everybody’s gonna think I’m weak. I’m Asian, I’m short, I’m smart. So I overdo it on purpose, to blow people’s expectations… I don’t know where I’m going with this. It’s stupid. I need to stop it.

There are areas of Arklay I’m completely unfamiliar with. People keep mentioning this Fringe deal, I may have to see about checking that out sometime. There’s this job I… I met somebody today. I mean I’ve met a couple of people since I’ve been back, but like… I /met/ somebody today. You know? I’ll write more on that later. There’s a new business starting up in town that I might just pick up; a courier and armed escort service for hire. Seems like a really good way to get out of the habit of hiding out in one place. Might still take up a job at the Diner again, but I might like to just be ‘some fucking guy’ you know?

I need to clean my rifle. Might swing by Dixon’s later and see if they’ll charge me for, like, a tablespoon or two of 10w30. There’s a gal at the general store, the one walking around in MARPATs (oh right, there’s also Hammer Man at Coach’s who also sports MARPAT) who sounds like she’s really looking to up the gun game on the island. I might just see if she has an 11″ barrel for my M4; the extra barrel length seemed like a great idea but in the last two years I don’t think I ever had a gunfight start up at a longer distance than 50 meters. Now that I got my hands on a select-fire lower, a short barrel seems like the way to go.

I just checked the date on my phone. Today would be Thanksgiving, if the world were still operating. Not sure how I feel about that. Maybe I oughta go shoot some kinda bird and bring it to the diner..? It has been a long time since I cooked a proper meal, I’m probably rusty as hell now.

I need to catalogue all the shit in my seabag. It’s basically everything I own, and if I’m not planning on leaving Arklay any time soon I need to be 100% sure what I’ve got on hand. I spent the night outside the shelter, ran back to make sure my shit hadn’t been stolen… Will probably run back there after I finish writing this and see if I can sneak back in before she wakes up.

… Yeah. I’m going to do that.

Suffer well,
– Jason