Dear Diary

It was an interesting day… after the zombie raid i landed with a sickness which put me in the hospital. As I would sleep, of course that day came back to mind. Of course it was like it had just happened, and the more exhaustion I felt, the more real it felt to me.

You remember that day? Diary?

Where i awoke next to josh, he was smiling at me and i laughed, telling him to stop. I always felt awkward the way the man would study me when he could, like he knew one of us wasn’t gonna make it.  That day I went and knew I had been late for 2 weeks, something felt off about me and I wasn’t sure what, but thanks to josh’s raid earlier in the week a pregnancy test was sitting on the sink in the bathroom. I took it and of course! we were expecting! Oh life was so grand. We were living for ourselves and were at peace. The zombies were blocked by the fence that surrounded us and i thought we were safe. After the test, i had gone down to find josh had made us a simple breakfast, god I loved when he did this!  Now i can eat and get to work on cleaning. Couldn’t live in a dirty place!

I had told josh over breakfast the news and he was stoked! A baby was what we had talked about since courting! Of course we were gonna wait til marriage but, now was different. the times had changed.

Later that day I had been working on the kitchen when I heard josh yell. He came limping and said the fence was down. I didn’t know they had bit him, i thought he got hurt by the fence so we locked the house up and started to defend our home. When things quiet was when it all went. I had my back against the wall exhausted when i heard josh change. I remember crying out begging him but he had tried to bite me!! I had no choice but to shoot him in the head and man its killing me!!

oh man what am i gonna do? I know I have to accept josh is gone and it’s hard! i truly think that I should just forget about my future, live for today.

So yes, Diary, I drank today and it felt good! Liked being high and drunk at once. I don’t remember much but I do remember a church and a friend who I was with before my festivities… The man saved me from the zombie raid and I was so thankful, and he was cute!

I see him as a friend and someone I’m not sure I can trust. He seems nice but, there is hesitation. Do i really want to trust another man? another soul? Was anyone really safe to actually trust? man things were so confusing! I think i will allow him to be a “friend” and consider it thats where we stay for now… I need to know him more before I know where to stand on the relationship… no diary not relationship. it’s a friendship that’s it! that’s all, because nothing can replace josh. I will just do my work on the streets and at the hospital and that be that. the end.

bye diary.