March 23, 2017

The days are getting blurred again. I got work at the diner to keep me busy, but I’m already over it. I’m just doing it for the paycheck (I guess I was always). I long for our life prior to the outbreak and I feel horrible that I long for a life before Claire. But how could I not? This is the worst of times to be having a quarter life crisis.

We’re saving our money right now to buy some more ammo and hopefully soon I can use my gun again. I’m horrible at trying to kill anything with blunt force (and I’m a horrible shot with a gun let’s be honest…), Jax has to do it all for me. The other night he killed a rabbit and I whined and complained about it all like a child. I seriously would’ve died within the first few months if it wasn’t for him. I ate it of course, prepared it myself after Jax skinned and cleaned it. It was delicious, tasted a bit like chicken, but more lean.

Food is still hard to come by in general, we manage to survive OK on what we’ve scavenged, but most days I go to bed hungry. It doesn’t help that we’ve started to smoke again, weed really gives you some intense cravings and they don’t help when you’re running on an empty stomach. I try to set myself goals for every day when I come home do something, fix something up, arrange this and that but most days I have barely any energy for anything.

I did have some energy the other night for sex though. Finally managed to clear that dry spell… literally. We got high again and I don’t know why but lately I get mopey when I get high. Jax always brings me up and the other night he just brought me in his arms and how could I not get lost in those dreamy green eyes of his? He makes me feel like a teen again even when I am at my lowest. Anyways, after we made out he put me on my knees and took me. It’s strange how things just come back to you even after you haven’t done or thought about them for a long time. The whole riding a bicycle thing. It applies to sex too. Just comes natural. I won’t go into too much detail, even though this is a fucking diary. Let’s just say I went to bed that night with a full belly, HA!

God, I’m a perv.