Journal journal journal…

I’ve never gotten good at this writing in you thing. With some people journaling is like clockwork, every goddamn day. Pretty sure the only thing I ever habitually did every day was sleep in.

Anyway… I don’t even know where to start. I keep thinking about the fact that I should write something, but not until I’m already in bed with my eyes closed, and there’s not a lot that can pry me out of bed again once I’m ready to go to sleep, especially now that I actually -have- a bed. I think of all the things I missed, all the little luxuries I used to take for granted, it’s that. Well, that and a working refrigerator, but no dice on the latter.

Yesterday I did something I never thought I’d have to do in a million years. I shot someone… Not the dead, a living someone. I’ve been fighting with Cas a lot lately too, so it’s not as if I’ve had anyone to really unload how guilty I feel on. Usually he’s my sounding board, but ever since we got to this island it’s like he and I have kind of taken to doing our own things. In a way, I wish we’d never found the ferry headed this way. But, on the other side of the coin, the logical side of me still thinks it was for the best. May be reconsidering the vein of thought though, if I wind up with a really pissed of Russian on my tail – and not in the good way.

But what was I supposed to do? I walk to work and it was like all hell had broken loose, and I walked straight into it. People pulling guns and bows on each other, and Jade running off to the hospital all bloody. No freaking clue what happened there. All I know is that tall, dark, and Russian and Marcus were having something of a show down, but Don had an advantage. I swear that guy keeps a harem of girls just to have extra sets of eyes and ears. I don’t know what his dynamic is with all of them, I thought he was just with Jade, but man does it feel like every girl and their sister is trailing after him like a herd of cats after a lazer pointer dot.

Getting derailed though. That girl that was with him? She was screaming like a banshee. I swear she wanted to invite every fucking dead for miles. Girl got some pipes on her. But it’s not like the guy was but a few feet away, shit. Then rocks started flying and threats started flying and then a gun went off. I don’t know. I probably should have stayed out of it, but Marcus gave me a shot here taking me in at Coach’s when he didn’t know me from Eve. If I’ve ever had a flaw, it’s how loyal I get to the people I feel I owe something. So yeah, when bullets and arrows started flying and that damn girl – I didn’t catch her name – decided to come at me when she HAD A GUN POINTED AT HER, I wasn’t given a lot of choice. I just wanted her to take a hike to even up the field, but she couldn’t take a hint. What was I gonna do? Wait for her to get close enough to find out if she had a knife or a screwdriver or something equally painful hidden up her sleeve? Or for her to reach for my gun? I may be blonde but I’m not stupid.

Shooting her worked though. It got Donovan and her to leave, and Marcus got patched up before he bled out all over the place. I haven’t seen him yet today though. I hope he’s doing alright and just taking it easy. Chances are he still lost a lot of blood, and something tells me that man does not know how to just take a day off, but I admire that about him. Still, gotta be careful these days. It’s not like blood transfusions are easy I imagine.

All that aside, I just don’t know. Felt like I slept with one eye open last night. Feel like things are splintering with Cas. Or maybe it’s just that we’re both finding ways to be independent of one another again, and it hasn’t been that way for nearly the last three years now. Suppose I have some adjusting to do.