[[All entries are assumed to be written in Russian. For the sake of this Journal the entries are translated into English so the players can follow the story as it progresses.]]

I love you, and thank you for being honest with me and letting me read this. I know that you always did what was best for me… even now. I cannot fix this; I cannot come home until I can help Amber. I need you to understand that I am still yours and no matter what, I will always be yours even if I cannot be near you. I am loyal and I will never go far. If you want me call me. If it means my death, then I will go peacefully. Amber will get better and I know you say she is a hidden part of my anger. That cannot be true… I see her. I can feel her and I hear her. Let me see how I can help heal her, she has been through a lot. I don’t believe you lied to me, I know you better than that. I miss you so much, I will be staying with Kitten and Cas or be at work. Please don’t hurt her Donovan; I can feel her changing every time she is near Cas. I assume he will be in the family soon since as far as I understand Kitten is. I hope you don’t hate me… Every moment without you makes it hard to breath.

-Yours always,

Jade

((Above Excerpt was Copied and Pasted with OOC Consent))

March 14…

I never expected to see this Journal again, let alone that message Jade left in it. Why? Because I threw it at her.

First morning, early morning, while I as out looking for supplies and the usual, she approached me, Amber approached me, demanding to talk. Naturally I decline her private time. So she started on one of her rants, about how I lied to Jade. When I told her what happened, it made that crazy bitch stronger apparently. The reality is, I made her hate me even more than she did in knowing that I could have saved her, but I didn’t. Now she knows that I killed her, and she knows why. Apparently it had the opposite affect. Amber thinks too much in terms of control, hence why I don’t pay any heed to her words when she starts to rant. She had the nerve to say that I never meet her half-way. She thinks she has that luxury after what she did. No.. never mind the fact that she’s a ghost.. I’m talking about the luxury of demanding anything from me after she tried to hold Jade Hostage, cut her arm open, self mutilated her then tried to tell me what she could and couldn’t do to Jade, and that I was powerless to stop it. There is always a way to stop her, no matter how strong she gets. Amber is very simple minded, and cannot see passed what she wants. She never could, not in life, and even now.

What people don’t understand, and what they will never understand is that I do love her. I love her enough to understand when she’s suffering. I love her enough to kill her to end that same suffering, if it comes to it. If Shooting then the leg, kept her from harming Jade, then I would do that. Her leg will heal. If keeping the bitch leash and caged, keeps her from Harming Jade, then I will do that.. She’s not a danger to anyone else. People want to talk about love but don’t know exactly what love is. When I say I will do anything for her.. that’s exactly what that means. If cutting out my own heart would cure her, I would do it. Love is in action, not words. If you love someone, your actions will prove it. The world is not the same it was, where our morals and family values were dictated by the popular culture and dominant religion. I feel like I’m the only person in this world that understands that the world is not as it was.. that’s not holding onto the same crap that destroyed it to begin with. (Well, unless you include the rot-heads.) Amber does understand survival, but never anything more than her own. This is why she refuses to let jade go. This is the only thing she knows to do, and this notion of her changing is Jade’s way of making up the happy ending for her dead friend, to ease her own suffering… perhaps.

The bitch left, and took Jade with her. Despite her being a ghost, her words cut deep. She’s right about one thing. What’s happening to Jade is completely my fault. I caused it all. Even now, I’m the one making it worse. Jade doesn’t see much of anything, because she spends most of her time, running from her demons. She runs from the truth. Having to Watch her friend die, changed her, and yes, it was my doing. That was why I was so adamant about -not- letting Evangeline change herself to suit what she thought I wanted. That girl couldn’t open her eyes long enough to see that what attracted me to her to begin with was that she was being herself, but she let herself be influenced by others and she changes to be what they want. When people change to be someone else’s idea of perfect, they are not being truthful with themselves, and thus living a lie. I would not change myself to be the hero, or prince charming she wanted, and she couldn’t handle it.

Amber was another monster. She had a place in the family. She didn’t have the favor Jade had. She didn’t have the favor Lyon had. She couldn’t be happy with what she did have. She always wanted more. That is my concern with her and Cas having an interest. What’s going to happen when he’s no longer enough for her? The girl is insatiable. She’s greedy, and a greedy mind is satisfied with no amount of gain. It wasn’t enough that I acknowledged her. It wasn’t enough that I gave her a task to do.. one thing I told her to do, and she didn’t do it. It wasn’t enough that let her live.. three times. It’s not enough that I let her walk away with Jade. No.. She thrives off of the suffering of others. That is what she has always wanted. She thinks that when she is in control, the world will be hers. She is quite literally.. evil. It takes a monster to hunt a monster..

Kitten and Lyon were likely my only saving graces. I was ready to die at that point. I left this Journal and the glasses that jade gave me so long ago, on the street with her keys. Well, I threw the journal at her head, mainly so that it would knock some sense into her. I’m sure Amber was quite happy to see my pain.. but it wasn’t enough. She wants my entire family to suffer through the death that she did. She was quite literally the artisan of her own fortune.. and it all came crashing down on her. Jade is following the same path, and I have one last gamble in this game before I finally cash out. Chips are down, but unlike the rest of this city, I’m not going to eat my family to survive.

Kitten asked me for a week. That’s all I can give her. It will literally take a week to do what I need to do. That’s all I need. I’ll have to go back to that place.. where it started… where it ended. I’m taking a leap of faith.. Something I’m sure many didn’t know a Satanist had (Spiritual Satanist, but that’s another matter entirely).  This is far out of my hands now. When the time comes it will be all or nothing.