[[All entrees are written in Russian ICly , written in English OOCly for easy reading.]]

This is the first time in a long time i have felt the need to write anything down. For the longest time after the outbreak i just did not see a point with bothering with the idea. Why waist my time i thought. Its pointless its not my simple mussing would ever be found. Its what I told my self at first. Life as we had known it was lost after all.

I was one of the lucky ones I guess. Donovan my partner, my mate, my husband what ever title you would choice to give lived in our own way. Rules in the mater of what people saw as normal never really applied to us in any way. We where just us we walked down a different path and in the end i just might of been what saved us and why we have lasted this long. Myself, Donovan, my brother and a few others bored, my loves boat and set a sail in hopes of finding a place to call home once more away from the infected the fear and the down right down fall of the world as we knew it. We sailed for months, stopping and coming a shore from time to time to gather supplies, food, water, gas for the boat and medical supplies along with just basic things such as clothing and wile we did so we almost always picking up a few new members of our growing crew and family.

In time finding gas for the boat became harder and hard to find and in the end we where set a drift with no direction other then where the water wanted to take us. After what seemed like months, when really as a think back was likely just a few weeks we ran a ground. That day was amazing for most of us seeing that for most they where starting to think that we would never see such a thing again. We worked as group and made camp staying close to the boat and started to make sense of our lives at that moment. Groups would go out searching for anything we could make use of daily and at first things seemed fine we all a sense of normal again what ever normal is now days that is. Though in time our people slowly started to disappear. Just never returning back to camp. We naturally thought the worst.

The day came that me and Donovan where sure would never come. Jade Donovan’s long time submissive and lover too us both ran. She ran from us. It is not my place to write what had caused her to make such a choice in my writes as it her story to write if she sees fit but all the same our hearts where broken. Search parties where made to look for her and none showed signs of where she might of gone. All we had hope for was that where ever she was she was safe.

Time went on we lost more of our group and in the end there was just a few of us left. My brother being among the missing. I had gone on many a hunt and always made it back but this day …. something about this day was not like the others. It was cloudy over cast and in areas it seemed as if a thick fog lurked at my feet. But all the same we needed many things and food was on the top of this list. I went out on my own that day a crossbow with bolts and a knife where my weapons of choice they where quiet silent killers in a way no worry of attracting more of the rot heads as he toke care of the one’s you might of run into at any given time. I had set out early in the morning to make the most use of the daylight and the day was fruitful for the most part a wild turkey and a small bore where my spoils for the day. Though as dusk began to fall i went to return to camp. I don’t know if it was the fog , or maybe i just gone father then i thought but i was lost. Completely and totally lost. I had no idea where i was fear hit me like a ton of bricks. I had never been alone at night sense the outbreak and i was almost frozen where i stood.

After a few moments i seemed to pull my self back in one piece and with some rope i had in my bag i  rigged my kills in the closest tree and long side it that is where i slept. I did such day after day, hunting working to live just live wile i looked to return to the place i called home and to the family that myself and Donovan had made. There where many days and days at a time that i went without food. It was just how the cards fell for me and finally i would find my way back to our camp and find that in the end it was no more. It felt as if my reason for living had totally melted away at that point.

I sat and cried in the middle of camp for what felt like hours and in the end that is where i slept that night. In the morning it seemed that a new resolve had found me and I told myself that this was not where i was going to die. This was not the end. I am about 95% sure that i repeated that same thing to my self over and over again for weeks while i hiked threw the woods. Spending my nights in trees to avoid rot head and hope for at lest a few good hours of rest maybe.

I had all but gotten my self to believe that Donovan and the others where dead. For what ever reason that pushed me forward. Hoping that they lived or where caught in the rotting away version of life that the rot heads where stuck in just seemed to make my heart ache for just one more smile a hug anything from the ones that i had held so dear. So for me they where dead no longer struggling no long in pain at peace i could hope.

Finally it seemed that luck was going to be on my side a town! I had found a town and from what i could tell people called this place home! Oh that was a day for me real live people just the idea seemed to put a smile on face. I had taken it on my self to walk around get my baring on things and what things where . Seeing i hadn’t had a bath sence i had left the camp site when i found it the last time. I was sure i smelled like rotting something and i knew i was covered in dirt mud and what ever else i could come across in the time span of my hike threw the woods. I didn’t feel like many would be up to talking to me at the moment. So for now i just watched and in doing so i found a well the idea of clean fresh water was amazing to me and as i rushed to i saw a group of people coming toward me. I played little mind to them at first wile i worked to fish some water out of the well to drink. In doing so a rotter had some how gotten past some fencing that had been put in place. By the time i heard it the group of people where already on it. It was dead just as about cracked open my own skull trying to get down from the well. I mean come on I have always been short, talking about the doctor that step stools in different parts of the Hospital i worked out before the outbreak.

Though in that few moments of silence between my self and group something amazing happened my deep seeded dream came true. A touch i though would never happen again and the voice to follow, it was Jade. Wait she was alive ? My brain could not put it together fast enough all i could do was wrap my arms around her my heart tried to jump out of my chest. Enough though am about 99% sure i totally ruined what ever she was wearing at that point nether of use cared.

In that moment i could not of been happier. I had Jade what more could i of asked for she was alive. Then what i felt was angel speaking to me that voice hit my ears. While am sure he would say he was the devil reaching up from hell in that moment it nothing more then heavily. Donovan? could it really be him could he be alive? so many things ran threw my mind in the mater of a few seconds. My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach as i had finally let Jade go and taken a few steps back form her.   And as my eyes lifted i saw his finger finally resting on his face it was him! How could of this be happening! I did the first thing i could thing of and that was to run. Run toward him I bolted toward him and I don’t think i have ever cried so hard in my life. I had found them they where safe, I was safe life was right again.

It seemed that in my time away Donovan had added another member to our family. Danya, she as far as i can tell should be able to speak but dose not. It is not my business to pry and find out. As once again that is her story to tell if she feels the need to. Though i think she has be one of the sweetest girls i have ever delt with in my life. She has quickly found her way into my heart and am happy to call her family.

Life could not be better. I have found my self a job working at the hospital here in town. Oh it feels good to be at work doing what i love and being able to help people again. I had forgoten what it was like to work in an ER setting and really that is all we really have. But we take what we can get in times like this. Things are crazy and the hours are long but all the same its nice be working again for sure.

Today was crazy Jade ended up with an arrow threw her knee, and i ended up pulling buck shot out of Donovan’s Bicep. Over all am not totally sure what caused such things to happen but i know one thing for sure Jades mind is split one side is Jade and the other seems to be Amber at one time they called each other friends. But Amber as we knew her died some time ago. This i feel is Jades way of deal with the death but already i can see that if Amber is not brought under control it may not end well for any of us.

We have struggled with Amber for days on end now and she just seems to be getting stronger. She lashes out she fights back and am pretty sure she goes around  screwing with people simply because she can. we seem to be running out of options i fear. On the other hand we have added two new members to our family Kitten and her brother Cas. Both seem to fit in well with us and i can feel my self opening my heart to both quickly. Its nice to see we are growing in numbers once more. We might be a strange bunch but for us we are family and that is what maters.

Jade left today….. I searched for Donovan for at least two hours before i found him in the middle of dead rotters. He was nothing more then a mess of raw emotion and i see it in his eyes. There is nothing i can really do besides stand on the side lines and watch as the dead make their way out of the woods and he one by one sens them to their final resting place. In the end they where nothing more then a pile of rotten , rot head soup by the time he was done with all of them. And as he seemed to in calm state go to gather his shirt and jacket i noticed that his glasses a gift from Jade log ago where missing. That meant that they could only be one place and that was at the bottom the rot head soup he had just finished making . The idea made me want to throw up my lunch right there I tell you but i was not going to let them set there. As Donovan made his leave i would follow to insure he was ok. But in the end i returned and went finishing for his glasses in the end only the frames where saved and i had to take three showers to get the smell off of me but am sure we can find some replacement frames some where.

This evening i gave Donovan the necklace i had been working on sense we because one in a sense. Small little things wile on their own might seem like much but each piece had been choicen for a reason each from a place that we had been a person that had played a role in our lives. It was in a sense a history of what we had all been threw of our lives a reminder to remember the past but to always look to the future as we never know what it may hold. He has not taken it off sense I gave it to him.

Today is the day the day that Donovan unfolds the plan he has hatched to hopefully get our a Jade back. We made our way threw the forest to that spot the spot we lost amber to the after life. He was forcing Jade to face her inner most demons it seemed. And with out fail Donovan delivered. Amber’s reanimated corps made its showing. It is never an ideal thing to be forced with the rot head version of a friend of family member its already bad enough to know they are gone but seeing them in such a light it just does something to you really. In the end Donovan forced Jade to bring Amber’s body to its final end. Before we where forced to run for our lives do to all the screaming that had gone on in the middle of struggle with amber’s body. But all the same we are home and safe and things seem to be somewhat normal. While we still have both amber and jade in one body both seem to live in peace now with each other and ourselves. Our family is whole again.

Its been a good week or so sense Donovan has taken over the Dollhouse as owner. He has put in many late nights working to bring the place back to life. Am not totally sure what he in planing to do with the place. But I can tell you this I miss the man in bed when its time to sleep and hes burning the candle at both ends it seems. That use to be my job at the hospital it seems we switch roles some times. But I miss his warmth and security being apart for so long before i found them I cling to the moments i have him close now and it seems that at times they are few and far between.

Taking a day of rest i had spent far to many hours at the hospital and seeing that today for once things where quiet I felt it would be a good day to just enjoy my self sleep and do what ever. The sun was out with a light wind witch at times could make it a bit chilly but it felt good all the same. Amber and my self where enjoying a walk around the block where the trailer is that we call home. It was nice to for a chance to be able to talk to her with out that side of Jade wanting to rip my head off for what ever reason. Though as we walked a figure came into view walking toward us he seemed to stumble and slipped to the ground in front of the house. I called to the man to see if he was alright and once again a voice rings in my ears that i thought i would never hear again. My brother Zeke could it really be him?My mind went to racing and my legs just could not seem to carry me to him as fast as i wanted them to. It was him well about 95% of him any way. Lost his forearm and hand to a rot head bit it seemed but his stubern headedness kept him pushing forward. Missing hand or not I am glad he is back where he belongs with us once more. Our family seems to be feeling more and more complete.

Today was aiming to be a good day. Kitten and myself seem to click in many ways far more then what most would see. Its enjoyable to see something start to bloom and i am sure that Donovan is enjoying the idea as well. We had settled at the dollhouse early this morning pleasure and enjoyment for all three of use where at hand before it was all ruined by one man. And as i write this can even remember his name but he sure was crazy. I had finished my shower and was wrapped in a towel relaxing in the front room of the dollhouse. After all I in honesty dont have any shame. Its just flesh whats the big deal who might see it? Only one gets to enjoy it as far as I see it. Till this guy saw fit to ruin it, and as i write this i cant even remember the guys name. He had shown his face at the dollhouse a few times and it seemed he was only after starting issues each time. Today he did just that. Bolted threw the doors and shot the doorman square in the forehead. I found shelter in one of the rooms, and kitten was still outside. what the hell was going on. Screaming yelling gun shots blood. Massive of people i might of seen once in my time in the city over running the building.

In the end i believe the crazy guy saw his end and Donovan almost died form blood loss from taking a shot gun slug in his upper arm. Imagion me showing up at the hospital in a towel with Donovan bleeding. I just hope it dose not get back to my boss I don’t want to explain that I promise you. But in the end two pints of blood a metal rod four screws and lots of stitching work hes on the mend and that is what matters. I now fully understand why before the outbreak as a doctor you where not allowed to treat your own family. I was sure my heart would beat out of my chest wile i was working on him. But i was dead set that i was not going to lose the man i love after just finding him again.

Donovan is on the mend and back and forth working at the hospital and the dollhouse doing my best to look after things wile he rests seeing the damn manager has been no where to be found as of late. One of the workers let a client bring soap into the hot spring am not totally sure who to be more mad out. Our only clean water supply is not contamated. I have not had a chance to tell Donovan as of yet. Not sure i want to but that would only make him more pissed off.

In the end life is life we live each day as the next is not promised. Hopefully i will find time to write more but i guess i can only wait and see what the next day hands me.

For now am going to find my bed find some much needed sleep.

Till next time

Lyonesse