I miss you Darius. I try to remember you, Dad, Mom, the rest.  I keep thinking you are with me, but you’re not.  I keep thinking you are there behind me. I keep looking back. I lost your weapon. I’m sorry. I am so sorry.  When you pushed me in the river, I lost it in the rapids.  I keep seeing those bastards on the edge of the rise, struggling with you, the gun going off, your eyes rolling up and over the side you went into the river. I tried to get to you, I swear, but the current. I tried. I tried, but… I, I know you’re… I watched you bobbing for a while bouncing off rocks going down. I miss you so much.  I don’t know where to go or what to do, but I remembered what you said, don’t give up on them. I am so, so angry. I am so angry. You helped, and helped, and for what?  Betrayals, madness, the violence, the stupid people, I just hate them all. I know. I know you said, don’t stop believing they are worth saving, but they killed you.  Time and again you tried to save them. You were my big brother; you were the best of us. You said, we had to try and build something, because no man is an island.  Semper Fidelis — it is who you are, were. I hate people, but for you, for you I will keep going and trying. Always faithful.  Jo