Last night was no different than the one before, I climbed up into the watchtower, the pain increasing with every step.  I was thankful to reach the top to be able to take some medication I had stored away, but there are only so many antibiotics you can take to deal with injuries before you need to seek proper medical care.  My back and chest is already pock marked either from bullet entry points or exit points, I’ve nearly died twice, once happened recently though I am still piecing together what exactly happened, and the other time was before I arrived in Arklay when I was beaten, tortured, stabbed and left for the walkers to finish off, I’d have been ripped apart if it hadn’t have been for a couple of survivors, a man and his daughter, who helped me, got me back on my feet, we stayed together till I was healthy enough to go out on my own once again, sometimes I wish they’d have headed to Arklay, I don’t know what ever happened to them they said they were heading East but with all the problems there hopefully they heard something and made other arrangements.

My writing is as rambling as my dreams, again I dreamed of the past, this time of the recent past.  I saw a muzzle flash, felt the hot metal projectiles entering my body, stiffening in fear, in anticipation, and then it was if I was watching, I could see myself, blood coming from the wounds, my body part thrown backwards by the force of the bullets impact, part falling as I was hit repeatedly.  I watched my eyes close, the blood spreading beneath me, I thought it was over.

And then I watched another another weapon, out of focus being aimed at me, and two shots being fired into me, tearing through my body spraying blood onto my clothing and my face, hands gripped the grass below me, tearing it as my hand moved into a fist and I… I… I died

Or at least I felt I did, I read my previous journal entry and am convinced I died, that had it not been whatever these strangers did for me I would never have made it back by myself… just thinking about this now as I write this journal scares me to tears, I have faced danger before but never been so badly injured that I had…

I am rambling, it is probably the fever bought on by another bought of illness, as soon as these painkillers kick in I will be able to rest once more, but now I am scared to sleep, to dream, I don’t want to know what happened, to feel that pain again, to… I just want to go home, back to the way it all was.