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The Change before Christmas

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Christmas?  The fuck for?Xmas_is_here_humbug

I don’t get it. Some people seem really in the holiday spirit. The world teeters on the brink, and they still go through the motions. Let them.

It shouldn’t phase me that badly. Any measure of goodwill in this crazy, twisted world is for the better. I just feel a sense of anger rising, anger that I don’t understand. I guess part of it is that holiday cheer should be 7 x 365, not a handful of days a year.

I do remember being much happier about it. I was young, and the mystery and magic was real. I don’t know how I got jaded. Maybe what goes up, must come down.

I’m getting by much better now that I have a dedicated job, working shelter and some security at the hospital.  Truth be told though, I prefer getting out, into the streets. Hunting newcomers. And zombies.  Just not the same way. I know I wandered lost as a newcomer to Arklay, and if not for a charitable stranger, may have never found the shelter.

I’ve been injuring myself a good deal lately, that’s contributing to my mood to be sure. Just enough to require some medical attention, not a long hospital stay. Still, it sucks to get hurt.

I keep reminding myself too, that I need to hook up with Ein at the radio station. So much has changed since I went on that mainland run. I’m not sure if it’s the world that changed, or me. I definitely feel out of sorts. But I have, ever since the world went to hell.

Maybe I should appreciate the change.  It feels dark, ominous though. I trust it will pass.