[[All entries are assumed to be written in Russian. For the sake of this Journal the entries are translated into English so the players can follow the story as it progresses.]]

March 10…

Five mouths to feed…

I’m writing this entry with one hand… I’ll explain why later.

Morning started out as usual. Gunshots, me at the Trade Co. Scavenging etc. Nothing really special about it. Some crazy woman and some naked guy were in a gun fight near Coach’s. Apparently, Jade was just standing there in the middle of it.. as usual. That girl I swear is becoming more and more like Amber every day. Didn’t even stay long enough to see the outcome of the fight, but I did recognize the woman involved as the crazy bitch that pulled a gun on me just the other night. So not in the mood. Decided to head into Coach’s for a drink, and hopefully I got Jade to deal with, rather than her fucking alter ego. Unfortunately, I got the Alter Ego.

Girl tried to pass herself off as Jade, but of course.. Forgot a few things about Jade that she wouldn’t have known. her blatant disrespect of Lyon, the mannerisms, and the fucking lying, told me enough. I know my girl.. probably better than she knows herself sometimes. Most times I don’t know why I’m arguing with a fucking ghost. I know her condition.. the doc described it as some sort of Disassociation Identity Disorder.. Some shit like that. She’s multiple personalities. The fact that it’s Amber I’m talking to, is telling me that it was born after she saw Amber die. Jade left us not even a day after that. The disorder has to be something that helped her cope with being alone.. with the fact that I wasn’t there to protect her in those months. Maybe this is my fault. Maybe this is Karma coming back to me. Who fucking knows. But, I’ll take the blame for it, and I’ll take it every time. Every time I’m given the choice to let some bitch kill us all when i can stop it, or give her just what she deserved.. I would make the same choice every time I’m presented with it, and I will deal with whatever retaliation that comes from it. Karma or not.

Conversation degenerated quickly. Some reason, that bitch was in full control. It was Jade on the outside, and on the outside alone. She even had the nerve to tell me that she was the one protecting Jade. Jade knows she loves her. Yes that makes a lot of sense. She even went as far as to beg me to tell her the truth. So I did. I told her everything. I told her that her best friend tried to get her fuck toy raider friends to kill her and everyone else in the crew. I told her how she sold everyone out, and why she died for it. I also told her that I would kill them both if it meant to end Jade’s suffering. However, the only way she’d end her suffering and live, would be for her to just let the bitch go. Amber’s dead and Jade doesn’t want to believe it. That is why the bitch still has influence over her. If the world hadn’t gone to shit, I would have taken her to a hypnosis specialist. But that’s not the case.

The last straw came when the bitch pulled out a knife, and cut her arm open.. Jade’s fucking arm. Then she challenged me, telling me that when I’m ready to kill them to let her know. I pulled my crossbow and told her, “How about now?” She ran.. or tried to. Only one way out of that alley if she didn’t hop the fence. She was dumb enough not to, so when I came out of the door, she didn’t have any place to go. So, what did I do? I shot her in the fucking knee. History repeats itself. Guess her screaming attracted others. Funny, it usually works the other way around, as no one wants to be around when the horde shows up. Either way, the door opened behind me, and then someone else screamed, Raevan screamed for me, because someone else was there. I heard Evangeline’s voice.. Stupid girl can’t learn to stay out of my way.. After last night, she’s not the smartest apparently.. Still, when I turned, who did I see, but Marcus with a shotgun. Amber (Jade) and Evangeline got away.. I let them. That would have been the perfect opportunity to deal with them both and be rid of them both… but I let them go.

I tried to talk the man down, after he made his threats to tell me to be careful who I made enemies of. I told him that he needs to learn how to avoid piles of shit before diving head first into them. I respect the man for wanting to defend his people, but he is clearly clueless as to why all this was going down, and didn’t seem to care. Especially not after Raevan threw a rock at him anyway. That was likely what caused the violence. Marcus fired, I moved.. Didn’t get away unscathed (hence why I’m writing with one hand). It was a shotgun.. Managed to get my arm with the spread, not all the way, and in turn, Marcus got an arrow to his gut. Wasn’t trying to kill him, but it was enough that it should have stopped him. It was. He then screamed at us, telling us to fuck off, or we’re dead. Normally I would have answered with another arrow, but I wasn’t there for him. When I looked over, Raevan was antagonizing another girl with a gun, who Shot her, after Marcus gave his warning. Stupid. I swear these people had death wishes, or some need to prove they’re tougher than the next guy. Why? The game is called survival, not fucking Borderlands. Managed to get Raevan out of there, and she received a couple of slaps in the head for being so fucking stupid.

Dropped her off at the Hospital, and some guy there told me that I needed to be there. When I did get there, I wasn’t surprised to find Lyon at work. She was a doctor before this shit with the Zombies after all. Of course, my arm was burning, and the blood wasn’t one for staying at home when it had an opportunity to leave. She went nuts in the head as well. What did I do, she asked me. Yeah.. what did I do.. I shot myself with a shotgun… yes that made a lot of sense. So not in the mood. Of course, who was there when I got there, but goddamn Evangeline. This damn girl.. Apologizes for everything, like its supposed to make everything all better. She talks down at me, disrespects my family in front of me, throws a knife at Jade.. and expects me to just ignore everything because, ‘NOW’ she ‘understands?’ No.. it doesn’t work that way. Her apologies mean nothing. She can apologize all she wants to, but people who are sincere in their apologies don’t go out of their way to justify their own wrong doing. They don’t keep doing the same fucking things that got them into trouble to begin with over and over and over again. There’s only so many times you can say, “I’m sorry” before it means nothing. Apologies without resolutions mean absolutely fucking nothing. With her, there is NEVER any resolution. She will keep doing the same shit, over and over and over again. She lives in some fairy tale where “I’m sorry” is supposed to absolve her of all her sins. Reality check: “I’m Sorry” is not enough.

Punishment comes limping. Retribution comes slowly. Karma is a bitch and Vengeance is sweet.

I’m done.